


Broken Raphael

by KerryAnne



Series: Broken Raphael [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Babies, Bonding ceremony, Brotherhood, Brothers, Decisions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Hurt Raphael, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Letters, M/M, Mates, Mpreg, Nightmares, Poetry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Leo, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Raphael is a sweetheart, Revenge, Romance, Star Gazing, Survival, Turtlecest, turtletots, unwanted bonds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 05:41:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8044567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KerryAnne/pseuds/KerryAnne
Summary: After a vicious fight with Leo, Raphael is ambushed and brutally attacked, leaving him broken and traumatized and having to make some difficult decisions. Can Raphael recover from his ordeal? Or will he be forever traumatized and a shadow of himself? And who will help him through his recovery? Will Raphael find the love he's been yearning for if he does recover?





	1. Broken Raphael

Leo is 16  
Donnie is 16 (two weeks younger than Leo)  
Raph is 14 (15 later on)  
Mikey's 14

“Fuck ya, Leo,” Raphael snarled, his green eyes blazing, and his fists clenched, ready to strike, as the rain poured down, soaking himself and Leo to the bone, but the brothers continued to stand on the roof top, trying to stare one another down. “Ya can’t tell me what ta do. I ain’t a kid and ya ain’t my mate. Donnie is, although I bet ya wish ya could be, don’t ya? Drives ya insane knowin’ that Donnie’s my mate and that he’s the one who gets ta fuck me. News flash, Leo. I could never love ya in a million years. Yer too up yer own ass, Splinter junior, and ya could never compare ta Donnie.” 

Even as Raphael said those words, he inwardly winced, wishing he could take them back, knowing it wasn’t true. He loved Leo, but he knew his feelings would never be returned. His older brother would never love a temperamental brute like him. Raphael didn’t blame him. Leo deserved someone amazing and Raphael knew he was anything but. Yes, he'd loved Donnie, but not the same way he loved Leo and it killed him thinking that Leo would soon be bonded to Lotus Blossom. The thought of them mating made Raphael want to puke. He fought the urge and continued glaring at his brother, hoping he’d give up and storm off, like he often did.

At five foot two, Leo could look down on his brother a bit and he took advantage of it, pulling himself up to his full height. He stiffened a bit at Raphael’s crass words and said, “My love for you is purely brotherly, Raphael, so I don’t know where you got those ideas from and I find them repulsive.”< br /> “Yet ya fucked Mikey,” Raphael hissed, as the rain began to fall harder.  
“We were drunk and it was a one-time thing. I deeply regret it. Anyway, I’m worried about you, Raph. You’re drinking heavily, you’re missing training and you’re barely at home. What’s wrong?”

It’s ya, Raphael thought. Ya, Leo. How can ya be so dense? Why can’t ya see that I love ya and that when we fight, I do it ta get yer attention. I loved Donnie, but it’s ya I yearn for. Ta be hugged and kissed by ya, ta fuck ya and tell ya how much I love ya. Yer so fuckin’ gorgeous. I want ya.

“And you’re so rude to Lotus. Why don’t you like her? What could she possibly have done to deserve your wrath?”  
"Ya really wanna know what’s wrong, Leo?” Raphael asked, stepping closer, their faces mere inches apart.  
“Yes. I’m concerned, Raph. We all are.”  
“Ya won’t like the answer.”  
“Try me.”  
“Ya will hate me.”  
“Raph, you may infuriate me, but I could never hate you. You’re my brother and I love you. We can sort it out together whatever's wrong. You’re not alone.”  
“I hate Lotus.”  
“W-why? What did she do to upset you?”  
“Because….” Screw it, Raphael thought. I suck at words. I’m gonna show him with actions. “This is why,” Raphael said and smashed his mouth against Leo’s. His lips felt soft and warm and inviting and Raphael felt like he was in heaven.  
Shock registered on Leo’s face. He shoved Raphael away and stepped back, arms crossed. “What the hell, Raph?” he said angrily, his sapphire eyes stony.  
“Told ya that ya wouldn’t like the answer,” Raphael said in a small voice, hurt etched on his face. “The things I said ain’t true, Leo. I love ya and I hate Lotus, because she’s with ya and I wanna be with ya. I wanna hug ya and tell ya how much I love ya. I wanna grow old with ya.”  
“NO!” Leo screamed, and jabbed a finger into Raphael’s plastron. “This is wrong. You’re my brother, I love Lotus, you love Donnie and…I’m going to forget this happened and...I’m going home. I can’t believe you, Raphael. Pulling a stunt like this when you know I love Lotus! This isn’t funny.”  
“It’s not meant ta be, Leo. I love ya. I always have.”  
“I don’t feel the same way, Raphael, and I never will. I love Lotus. Get that through your thick skull. You got your wish. You can go out. I’ll see you at home.”  
“But, Leo…”  
“Never speak of this to me, Raphael, and you should be ashamed of yourself for cheating on Donnie.”  
“I ain’t. Donnie’s messin’ 'round with April! I caught them and…”  
“So I’m a rebound thing. Is that it? You want a roll in the hay to get revenge on Donnie? I’m not something to be toyed and messed around with, Raphael.”  
“No, ya fuckin’ stupid bastard. I wouldn’t do that ta ya, Leo. I respect ya too much. Me and Donnie are…”  
“ENOUGH!” Leo roared. “Good night!” And he stomped off, leaving Raphael alone, his heart shattered into a million pieces.

Tears streamed down Raphael’s face and he punched a wall until his knuckles were bloody, the pain distracting him from his inner heartache. The rain continued to bucket down, but Raphael didn’t care. Leo had rejected him and nothing mattered to him anymore. Rejection's a bitter pill ta swallow, Raphael thought and let out an anguished howl. I may as well kill myself. Got nothin’ ta live for. No Donnie. He’s off bangin’ April and Leo hates my guts. I’m better off dead.

Raphael pulled out his sai from his obi and placed it at his throat. This is it, he thought, studying the blade. Gonna end this shit game of life. Tired of playin’ and gettin’ screwed. Not like anyone will miss me anyway. I’m just a huge fuck-up.

Meanwhile, Bebop, Rocksteady and Shredder were on the way back to the technodrome, when they spotted a figure on the rooftop next to them. “Looks like one of them turtles, boss,” Bebop said. “Can I blast him?”  
“Yes,” Shredder said. “Zap him with your paralyzing ray and then leave him for me. I intend to have some fun with him." He smiled sadistically. His goons snickered, knowing exactly what he meant.

Too occupied with his task, Raphael failed to hear the villains approaching him, but he sure as heck felt the stun ray hit him. He crashed to the floor, plastron down, his sai clattering a few feet away from him. “Good evening, turtle,” Shredder boomed.  
“Chrome dome,” Raphael hissed, trying to move, but finding he was not able to. “What the fuck did ya do ta me?”  
“Paralyzing ray, Raphael, but don’t worry. We’re going to have some fun,” Shredder said and chuckled.

Fear crept into Raphael’s heart and a shiver went down his spine at the chilling words, realizing what was about to happen. He’s gonna rape me, he thought. And there’s nothin’ I can do ‘bout it. Leo. Someone find me. Leo!

With the assistance of his mutants, Shredder turned Raphael over and spread his legs. “Look, ya don’t wanna do this,” Raphael said, staring at Shredder pleadingly. “I’m just a kid. Ain't even fifteen.  
"Who’s always interfering in my plans and yes, I want to do this," Shredder said. "Been so long since I’ve had a good fuck. Lie there and be quiet, freak of nature.” 

Shredder unzipped his trousers and pulled down his underwear, exposing his thick eight inch cock. Raphael stared at it, nausea bubbling in his stomach, knowing that he'd soon be violated and treated like a play thing and he couldn’t even fight back. All he could do was lie there, like a helpless rag doll. But I won’t let them see me cry, Raphael resolved. Whatever he does, I won’t give him the satisfaction of seein’ me broken.

The rain stopped and Shredder rubbed Raphael’s slit. He grinned when Raphael let out a reluctant churr, dropping down his purple ten inch cock that was leaking precum. “What a disgusting cock,” Shredder said and laughed, his henchmen joining in. “I’ve never seen such a hideous thing before. You truly are a freak, Raphael.”

"Ya'd think twice 'bout sayin' such things, metal mouth if I could move," Raphael snapped, refusing to let them see how much the barb had stung. He was proud of his cock and it was one of the few things he liked about himself.  
Shredder chortled again and thrust inside of Raphael’s slit, making Raphael hiss. “Am I hurting you, freak?” Shredder asked.  
“That six inch pecker of yers?” Raphael taunted. “Hardly. Heck, even a monkey’s probably bigger!”  
“I’ll show you, freak!” Shredder yelled, thrusting harder and deeper into Raphael, who felt like he was being split into two, pain coursing through his body. Shredder pounded away, his thrusts becoming even more savage. The pain soon turned to pleasure, as Shredder stabbed Raphael’s prostate and a reluctant rumble rolled up Raphael’s throat. It wasn’t long before Raphael came, his essence painting his plastron with hot, ropey streams of cum. But Shredder hadn’t climaxed yet and he continued to thrust, becoming even more brutal. His goal: to make the turtle bleed.

The pleasure turned to pain again, as the thrusts intensified and Raphael couldn’t help mewling, despite his earlier vow to himself not to. It hurt so much. “Please,” Raphael begged. “Enough. Ya had yer fun. I can’t take more. Yer hurtin’me.I feel like yer splittin’ me in two.”  
“I know,” Shredder said and bit down hard on Raphael’s collarbone, making him whine. He stopped thrusting and said, "I’m loving it. You’re my little bitch, Raphael. Say it, Raphael. Say yes, Master. Raphael's your little bitch. Go on. Be a good turtle! I'll stop if you do it."  
Blood seeped out of Raphael's ass and dripped down onto the ground and unwanted tears streamed down his cheeks. “Yes, Master,” Raphael choked out. “Raphael's yer little bitch. He’ll do whatever ya wish. Just stop.”  
“Good boy, but I lied, Raphael. I’m not done!” Shredder began to thrust again into Raphael, who screamed, his cries echoing into the quiet night. Raphael began to feel faint from the blood loss and sank into unconsciousness, and still Shredder pounded away, until he finally came, shooting his essence deep inside of Raphael. 

Looking down at the unconscious and bleeding turtle, Shredder pulled out and said, “That was great, Raphael. Let’s do it again sometime if you survive. You'll probably die from the blood loss if no one finds you soon. Oh, well. It’ll be one less turtle to mess with my plans.” He yanked up his underwear, pulled up his trousers and zipped it up. He kicked Raphael in the side a few times and grinned, because he knew he’d probably cracked a few ribs and said, “Come along, mutants.” The villains left and headed back to the technodrome, looking forward to their evening meal.

Raphael continued to lie there, the rain pouring again. It lashed down onto his prone body and washed some of the blood away. Thunder roared and lightning flashed, as the weather worsened and still no one came, as Raphael’s pulse grew fainter, his life force seeping away.

XXX

Back at the lair, Leo was sipping a mug of tea and trying not to think about his argument with Raphael or the kiss. Damn him, Leo thought furiously. I didn’t want it and I’ve never thought about him that way, but that kiss was intoxicating, mind blowing, perfect. What the hell's wrong with me? I love Lotus. Raphael's my brother and it’s wrong thinking of him otherwise, isn’t it? Then why do I suddenly want to tell him that I feel different, that maybe we could try, that I’d break things off with Lotus. Ugh. I’m so confused, he thought and rubbed his face.

Splinter suddenly entered the lounge, looking anxious, and said, “My son. I have had a terrible dream about Raphael. Is he home, Leonardo?”  
“No, Sensei. He's out."  
“In this weather? Then it is true,” the aged rat said miserably. “You need to find him before something evil happens. Where are your other brothers?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Then we must go find Raphael.”  
“What happened in your dream, Sensei?”  
“I will tell you on the way, Leonardo. Where last did you see Raphael?”  
“On a roof top we often go to.”  
"Then we'll go there." 

Leonardo and Splinter immediately left and headed to the roof top.

XXX

Sometime later, they reached the roof top, where Leonardo immediately spotted his brother. “Oh, Raphael,” he said, crouching down beside his unconscious brother. “I’m sorry, Raph. I should never have left you. It’s my fault this happened.” He felt Raphael’s pulse and was relieved that he had one, albeit it faint.  
“Is he dead, Leonardo?” Splinter asked fearfully.  
“No, Sensei, but he’s lost a lot of blood. What happened to him? You said you’d tell me what happened in your dream, but you didn’t.”  
“We will discuss that later, Leonardo. We need to get Raphael home.”

Leo gently lifted his brother into his arms and he and Splinter made their way home. I should never have left him, Leo thought, fighting back tears. Raph, please wake up. Please. I’m sorry for yelling at you. Raph. Oh, Raph. Little brother, wake up. Please don’t die. I need to tell you I'm sorry.


	2. Leo's sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo sacrifices his happiness for Raphael.

Back at the lair, Don and Mikey saw Leo carrying an unconscious Raphael. "What happened, Leo?" Don asked anxiously. "Why's he covered in so much blood?"  
"I don't know. I wasn't with him."

"Is he going to be okay?" Mikey asked, his lower lip quivering, and blinking back tears, as he studied his blood soaked and battered brother.  
"I don't know," Leo said.

"Take him to the infirmary," Splinter said. "Raphael needs urgent attention."

XXX

Leo placed Raphael onto a stretcher, while Don put on his surgical gloves and got out his medical equipment. "I'm going to need hot water and damp cloths," Don said. "Go get them, Mikey."  
"On it. He'll be okay, won't he, Donnie?"  
"Now, Mikey."

Stifling a sob, Mikey left the room.

Most of the blood seemed to be concentrated between Raphael's legs, caked and mixed with what smelled like semen to Don. Was Raph raped, he thought? Shit. Poor Raph. Our strong, brave brother. How petrifying that must have been for him. I'm going to break every single bone in their body if I ever discover who did this to him!

Mikey returned, handed the cloths to Don, who parted Raphael's legs and began cleaning the blood off of him, the cloths quickly stained scarlet. Don washed them and reapplied them to Raphael's body, gently removing all of the grime and blood. "And?" Leo asked, standing next to Mikey and Splinter. "What happened? Sensei, you said you had a dream in which something terrible happened to him."  
Splinter swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "I had a dream that Raphael was attacked by Shredder. Sexually assaulted."

"Raphie was raped?" Mikey asked, nausea bubbling in his belly at the thought of his macho brother being violated in such a despicable manner.

"I fear that's what happened," Splinter said mournfully. "But we'll know for sure when Donatello's finished examining him.  
"I'm going to tear him apart," Mikey growled, his blue eyes stony. Gentle natured Mikey wasn't violent by any means, but when it came to his family, he'd do anything to protect them, especially Raphael, who he looked up to and was the closest to.

"Get in line," Leo said. "It's my fault. We were talking, had a fight and I left him there. I never would have if I'd known Shredder was going to turn up."  
Splinter placed a paw on his shoulder and said, "Leonardo, it's not your fault, my son. Please don't blame yourself. It is Shredder's fault and when the time comes, although I don't usually condone vengeance, I'll make an exception for Raphael."this time I'll make an exception."

"For Raph," the brothers said in unison.

Don gently ran his hands across Raphael's slit and withdrew his flaccid cock. "No damage to it," he said. Then getting a forceps, he pried the slit open and peered inside. The odor of dried blood and semen assaulted his senses and to his immense horror he saw a tear in the lining of his brother's anus. Audibly gasping, Don took a closer look before saying, "Raph's got a tear in the lining of his anus. That creep must have done a real number on him. He's going to be in extreme agony when he wakes up, especially during and following bowel movements. He may also experience bleeding, itching and a malodorous discharge."

"A what, Donnie?" Leo asked.  
"A smelly, putrid discharge. I can treat him with home remedies and OTC products by adding bulk to the stool, softening the stool and telling you to give him a high fiber diet. I'd say also a sitz bath, but we don't have that. We'll need prescription drugs that include ointments containing anesthetics, steroids, nitroglycerin, and calcium channel blocking drugs (CCBs) if that doesn't work. Raph also has three fractured ribs and multiple bruises all over his body."

"So he should recover?" Splinter asked.  
"Physically, yes, Sensei," Don said. "But emotionally, I don't know. Raph always prides himself on his masculinity and he'll see this as an attack on his manhood and that he's weak and pathetic. We'll have to closely monitor him, because he may suffer from PTSD, self-loathing and attempt to take his life. He's also going to need a lot of emotional support, but not babying him. He hates that. He'll want to be treated the same as he was before. Because he's still Raph and Raph would never want to be molly cuddled. And we'll have to be strong and not break down in front of him. He needs our strength, as well as our love. He'll find it harder to recover if we're not strong. Can you do that, Mikey? I know you're closest to him and it must be extremely distressing seeing see him this way."

Mikey looked at Raphael and shook his head. "No. I love him, Donnie, but I don't have that inner strength. Not like you and Leo. I want to cry every time I look at Raph. It's too much seeing him this way. I'll cook and bring him things, but I can't be that wall of strength he needs. Not now. I'm not ready. I know that sounds so awful of me, but…"

"It's okay, Mikey," Leo said. "Raph knows you love him. You be with him when you're ready, okay?"

"I love Raph," Don said. "And I'll be his doctor, but I also can't give him what he needs. You can, Leo. You're the one he admires most, despite your constant fighting. You can be his pillar of strength."  
Leo nodded and said, "I'll do whatever it takes to help Raph."

"Donatello, I thought you and Raphael were mates?" Splinter said.  
"No, Sensei," Don said sheepishly. "We broke up and decided to pursue other avenues. It was amicable. I've done all I can for Raph in the meanwhile. All we can do now is wait for him to wake up. Leo, you'll stay with him?"

"Of course," Leo said, pulling up a chair and sitting down by the bed. "There's no other place I'd be."

After the others had left, Leo took Raphael's hand in his and whispered, as tears ran down his cheeks, "Raph, my warrior brother. I love you so much. Please wake up. I'm so sorry for the hurtful things I said. I wish I could take them back." He bowed his head, letting more tears stream freely and said, "I don't want the last words we had to be ones of anger. Please wake up. I need you. We all need you."

"Leo, there's something I should tell you," Don said, entering the room. "You need to know his medical condition if you're going to be caring for him. His entire medical condition. The others will learn of it too in time."  
Leo quirked an eye ridge and said, "There's more?"  
"Raph and I had sex a total of once, because his condition freaked me out. I saw it and pretended all was fine, as we lay in bed afterwards, but it wasn't. I started avoiding him without telling him why. That's when I cheated on him, so he'd dump me, but he didn't, even after that. I then dumped him and told him I couldn't be with someone like him."  
"I don't understand. What's wrong with him? Is he sick?"  
"Raph has male and female parts, Leo, and I just couldn't. I was so repulsed. For me it's one gender or nothing and he's my brother anyway, so it was probably wrong. How we ended up together was the result of a night of drinking. I regret it. While I love Raph, I was never in love with him. You know what I mean? Anyway, that's not it. Mercifully, Raph didn't fall gravid, but…."  
Leo swallowed thickly, realizing what Donnie was about to say. "You telling me that there's a chance Raph may become gravid by Shredder?"  
"That's exactly what I'm saying, Leo. And what's more it could be a human baby."

Bile rose in Leo's throat at the revolting thought and he upchucked onto the floor. His brother gravid with their nemesis's spawn. His sweet, baby brother going through it all alone, feeling violated, angry and alone. No. He won't be alone, Leo thought. I'll be there for him. Every step of the way and help him if there are babies. I know exactly what I have to do.

"Leo, you okay?" Don asked, concern in his hazel eyes.  
"I'm fine. Can you give me a minute? I need to do something."  
"Sure. I also think Raph has a crush on you. You have to ask yourself if you could handle his condition and babies if you ever felt the same way about him. I suppose that's a hypothetical, because you're with Lotus, but…Raph would need to know that a partner accepts him for who he is."  
"Now, Donnie!"

When Don had left, Leo yanked out his cell and made a call. There was no answer, so he left a message, grabbed Raphael's hand and said "Raph, I'm sorry for all that's happened. I'm so terribly confused about so much. Lotus, you, our kiss, but I swear that no matter what you won't be alone, even if it sacrifices my happiness. And I'm not disgusted that you have male and female parts. You're still my little brother and I'll always love you."

Green eyes flickered open and an anguished cry escaped Raphael's throat, as pain coursed through his body. "Raph!" Leo exclaimed. "You're awake."  
"ARGH!"  
"I'll get Donnie. Oh, Raph. I thought…"  
"Leo? Am I dead?"  
"No, Raph."  
"The rooftop, we fought, so cold, rain, Shredder…"  
"Don't talk," Leo said, placing a finger on Raphael's lips. "I'll get Donnie. You're going to be okay."  
"Ya said ya love me? Heard ya. Thought ya didn't."  
"I love you, Raph. Very much. I always have. I don't belong with Lotus. You were right. Let me…"  
Emerald hands reached for Leo's, who grasped them, and Raphael said, "More than brothers?"  
"Yes," Leo lied. "And we'll get through this together. I'm sorry, Raph. So very sorry for the cruel words I said. We're perfect for one another. I'll be right back." 

Leo went in search of Don and thought, it could grow into love, right? And I've done the right thing haven't I? My happiness doesn't matter. All that matters is that Raph's happy and makes a full recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who did Leo call? And will there be babies?
> 
> A/N Thanks for all the reviews and kudos :)


	3. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie has a talk with Leo and warns him to be honest with Raphael. Leo continues to be Raphael's emotional support and promises are made. Lots of fluff between Leo and Raph.

Don returned with Leo and gazed at his injured brother lying on the stretcher, looking so frail and broken and it pierced his heart. Raphael had never been fragile or broken. He'd always been the protector, the strong one they always counted on, the one who never backed down in a fight, quick with his fists. And here he was. A shadow of himself, so vulnerable and so lost. “Hi,” Don said, trying not to break down, remembering his brother wouldn’t welcome that. He needed strength and not seeing his brothers crumble. “Welcome back, Raph. How do you feel?”  
“Fine,” Raphael snapped, forcing himself to a sitting position and immediately grimacing, as pain coursed through his tail and slit. Biting his lip to keep from crying out, he said, “Gonna get up now, so back off and let me. Wanna sleep in my own room. Hate the infirmary. It’s for sick people. Not me.”

“Raph,” Leo said gently. “I think it’s best you stay here for the foreseeable future and you need your mask and gear removed, so Donnie has better access to your injuries. Lie back and rest….”  
“I ain’t no fuckin’ pussy and porcelain doll that’s gonna break, Leo,” Raphael hissed. “Don’t treat me as such. I’m still Raphael, the muscle.”  
“I know, baby, but you’ve been through hell and you need to rest and get your strength back. That’s all, Raph. No one says you’re weak and it wasn’t your fault. You’re not a victim, sweetheart. You’re a survivor and so incredibly courageous. We’ll get through this together. I promise. I’m going to be here every step of the way, so know you’re never alone.”

“Exactly,” Don said, quirking an eye ridge at Leo’s words. He’d thought Lotus and Leo were a couple. “And I’m here too. I know you don’t want me examining you, Raph, but I have to from time to time to ensure you’re healing.”  
Mollified somewhat, Raphael tentatively reached for Leo’s hand and said, “Fine, but there’s somethin’ I gotta tell ya, Leo, if we’re gonna…. I don’t know…see if things could work between us. I got male and female parts, so it’s possible we could have babies. See what a fuckin’ freak I am? Donnie couldn’t handle it and bolted!”

Shame colored Don’s cheeks, as Leo said, “Raph, I’m not Donnie. I’m me and I love you no matter what condition you have. You’re perfect to me. It'll be the cherry on the cake if we have babies. A huge blessing.” Leo kissed Raphael’s hand and added, “Besides, I’ve always wondered what it’d be like having kids and I can think of no one better to have a family with than you. You’re my hero, Raph, and always have been.”  
Raphael ducked his head, blushing profusely, and whispered, “Me and Donnie had sex once, but I didn’t fall gravid. Friggin’ lucky there, but there’s a possibility I could fall gravid with tin can’s baby and it could be human….”

“I know, sweet Raph,” Leo said and kissed his cheek, making Raphael redden. “Know I’ll support you no matter what you decide to do if that happens."  
“Thanks, Leo,” Raphael said, tenderly gazing at him.  
“I promised I’ll be here and I’ll never leave you. We’re in this together.” He peppered Raphael’s face with soft kisses and added, “Going to show you what love is every moment of every day.”

Raphael flushed and said, “Leo….”  
“Going to make you realize just what a sensational guy you are. You’re amazing, Raph. So smart, sexy and perfect in every way. I’m honored you love me and I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy.”  
Emerald eyes studied sapphire ones and choking back a sob, Raphael said, “Thank ya, Leo. I’m so grateful yer here with me.”

Don coughed and said, “I hate to interrupt, but I’d like to talk to Raph about his injuries.”

“I’ll be outside, Raph,” Leo said.  
“No! I want ya here with me. Please, Leo. Don’t go.”  
“I won’t,” Leo said, stroking his hand.  
Feeling more at ease that Leo wasn’t leaving, Raphael allowed Don to strip him of his gear and mask and said, “Okay, Donnie. What’s the extent of my injuries?”

"Well, Raph," Don said, as he rubbed more lotion over Raphael's body.  
"Go on."  
"It's..."  
When Don was finished with the lotion, Raphael quickly covered himself with the bedcovers, embarrassed by his nudity, and said, "Tell me. I can take it."  
Don took a deep breath and said, “You have a tearing in the lining of your anus, Raph, and you’re going to be in a lot of agony, especially during and following bowel movements. You may also experience bleeding, itching and a smelly discharge. I can treat you with home remedies and OTC products by adding bulk to the stool, softening the stool and ensuring you have a high [fiber](http://www.medicinenet.com/fiber/article.htm) [diet](http://www.medicinenet.com/diet_plans_and_programs/article.htm). If that doesn’t work, we’ll need prescription drugs that include ointments containing anesthetics, steroids, [nitroglycerin](http://www.medicinenet.com/nitroglycerin/article.htm), and calcium channel blocking drugs ([CCBs](http://www.medicinenet.com/calcium_channel_blockers/article.htm)). You also have three fractured ribs and multiple bruises all over your body. You should make a full recovery, Raph, but it’ll take some time, so you need lots of rest and you need to take your medication. Then there’s the mental and emotional aspect of it. I know you’re not one to talk about feelings, but please make an exception in this case. It’s a lot to deal with alone. I’m always here and Sensei and Mikey and of course, Leo."  
“Will I ever be able ta have sex again?”   
“I don’t see why not once you’ve healed, but it shouldn’t be your number one priority and Leo understands that, don’t you, Leo?”

“Of course,” Leo said. Making love to Raph, Leo thought in abject mortification? I hadn’t thought about it. Of course he’ll want to make love when he's healed. The idea disgusts me, but….

“Good,” Raphael said. “How long do ya think it’ll be before I can go back ta my room or am I gonna move in with ya, Leo?”  


Something else Leo hadn’t considered. Sharing a room with his immediate younger brother. “Whatever you want,” Leo managed. “After all, we’re a couple now and it’s normal to share a room.”

“I’m gonna be just fine,” Raphael said bravely. “I got Leo, Donnie, and I’m gonna be up and walkin’ before long and back on patrol. Chrome dome ain’t gonna make me scared of my own shadow. I’m back and I’m gonna get revenge on tin grin. See how he likes the taste of steel up his ass! I’m a badass, not a weakling!”  
“I sure hope so,” Don said, not convinced. He’d read up on rape survivors and the PTSD they went through afterwards, some of them committing suicide, unable to deal with their self-loathing and degradation. He had a feeling there was still a long road ahead. It was just like Raphael to declare he was okay when he wasn’t, but his strong act wasn’t fooling him and he knew it wouldn’t fool Leo either. He was grateful Leo was there for Raphael, but it unnerved him how suddenly he’d gotten with Raphael when just days prior he’d been with Lotus. I have to talk to Leo and clear up things, he thought.

“And, Donnie, don’t tell the family ‘bout my condition or what could happen. I wanna be the one ta tell them when I’m ready.”  
“Of course. Take all the time you need.”

“I’m just getting you some food, Raph. I’ll be back soon,” Leo said. He kissed Raphael's beak.  
“Okay. Hey, Leo, if it’s not too much trouble…”  
“Nothing’s too much trouble,” Leo said and kissed his knuckles on his hand.  
“Can ya get me some hot chocolate with marshmallows?”  
“Yes. I’ll be back now, sweetheart,” Leo said and touched his lips to Raphael’s.

“Get some rest, Raph,” Don said. “And know my door's always open.”

XXX

Inside the kitchen, while Leo prepared Raphael’s food, he and Donnie were talking. “So,” Don said over his coffee cup. “Since when are you and Raph a couple? Are you even gay? What about you and Lotus? Do you even love Raph as more than a brother, Leo?”  
Leo turned around and said, “We kissed on the rooftop and that’s why I stormed off. I was shocked and told him it was wrong for him to love me. We’re brothers.”  
“Not biologically.”  
“We were still raised as brothers. And don’t bring up Mikey. That was a one-time drunken mistake. I’ve never thought of you guys as anything, but my brothers. My little brothers and my heart’s always been with Lotus, but that kiss did awake something. I don’t know what….”  
“So everything you said in there was a lie, Leo? How much you care for him, how wonderful he is and he’s your hero?”  
“No. That part was true. He is my hero and I do care for him as my brother. It could grow into love, right, Don?”  
Anger shone in Don’s eyes and he hissed, “Raphael doesn’t need it to grow, Leo. He needs it now and to know you really do love him and can give him emotional support. It’s unfair to him to lie to him and he’s going to be devastated. What if the feelings don’t grow? What then? You’re with someone you don’t love and poor Raph could have been with someone, who genuinely loved him. Think about that. You need to be honest with him. Not now. When he’s had some time to recuperate. Telling him now…I can’t believe this. What about Lotus?”  
“I called her and broke things off and I meant what I said. I’ll be there for Raph. I made a promise to him and I can’t back out.”  
"Yeah. You’ll look like a shit. I know what you’re doing. Trying to help Raph, but telling him you love him when you don’t isn’t helping, Leo. It’s cruel. And you’re far from a cruel person, so do the right thing, okay?”  
Leo nodded and said, “I will. Do you love him and regret cheating on him?”  
“I regret hurting him and not being honest with him, but I don’t regret what April and I did. I love her and I know she loves me. As for Raph, my love doesn’t extend beyond brotherly and I regret what we had. It shouldn’t have happened. I’m beat. Remember what I said, Leo. Despite Raph’s gruff exterior, he’s a gentle soul and is possibly the most sensitive of us.”  
“I understand. Night, Don.”

XXX

Leo carried the food and drink on a tray into the infirmary and set it down on the table. “Hey, baby,” Leo said softly and took Raphael’s hand in his. “Hi. Ya were gone a long time.”  
“Talking to Donnie. You need another pillow or anything else?”  
“Just ya bein’ here is enough. It’s funny,” Raphael said and gave a dry laugh.  
“What is?”  
“Took me bein’ raped for ya ta confess yer feelings ‘bout me. Would ya have done so if I ain't been raped?”  
“Yes. I realized right away after we fought how dumb I was and I wanted to call you, but I thought you’d still be mad and would ignore me,” Leo lied.  
“Oh.”  
“It doesn’t matter now," Leo said, stroking his cheek. “We’re together.”  
“What ‘bout Lotus?”  
“I called things off. I don’t want her. Only you.”  
“But I’m fucked up and a hot mess, Leo,” Raphael said, stifling a sob, as tears pricked his eyes.  
“Hey, hey,” Leo said gently and kissed his lips. “You’re not fucked up or a hot mess. You’re still my warrior brother and….mate. You're also the most courageous guy I’ve ever known and you'll get through this. We will. I promise.”  
“Do ya hate me?”  
"Why would I hate you?”  
“Because…I…He…was in me, Leo, and I couldn’t fight back. I was powerless. Then it started feelin’ good after a while and then it fuckin’ hurt again and I couldn’t do nothin’, but lie there and I cried. I screamed, like a fuckin’ pussy. I was weak and everythin’ I despised. And the tears wouldn’t stop comin’. I hate myself for fuckin’ lettin’ him see me that way. I thought I was indestructible, Leo, but I ain’t. I’m pathetic and ya got every right ta hate me. I hate myself,” Raphael said, bowing his head and weeping uncontrollably, his shoulders shaking.

Leo hadn’t seen Raphael sob, since they were kids and it broke his heart. He tilted Raphael’s face up, gazed into his stunning emerald eyes and whispered, “Baby, it wasn’t your fault and you aren’t weak. And I could never hate you. Nothing you could say or do would make me hate you. You’re incredible. I love you, Raph. Look at me and repeat after me, ‘I, Hamato, Raphael, am incredible.’ Do it."  
“That’s stupid, Leo.”  
"No. It’s not. Do it.”  
Raphael sniffed and said, “I, Hamato, Raphael, am incredible.”  
“And a figher and warrior and brave.”  
“And a fighter and warrior and brave.”  
“And sexy and smart and gorgeous….”  
“Leo!”  
“Go on.”  
“And sexy and smart and gorgeous.”  
“Leo’s hero and adored by him.”  
“Leo’s hero and adored by him.”  
“Keep saying that to yourself, Raphie. It’s true. All of it.”  
“Raphie…Ya ain't called me that in years.”  
“You don’t like it?”  
“No….I like it when ya call me it,” Raphael said bashfully. “This is so surreal. Me, ya, us. I can’t believe ya like me back.”  
“Believe it, sweetheart. Now, drink up and eat. And then rest.”  
“Okay. Yer not eatin’?”  
“I’ll grab something later.”

Leo handed him the tray and Raphael ate and drank. Then Raphael lay down again, settling back against the pillows, and stretched out his arms. “Leo, will ya sleep with me?”  
“Of course," Leo removed his gear and mask and climbed into bed. Raphael looked at him approvingly and Leo blushed. No one had seen him naked, apart from Mikey and he felt shy.  
“Better,” Raphael said, wrapping his arms around him, nuzzling into his neck and inhaling his musk scent. “Need ya beside me, Leo. Need ta know yer here and I’m safe. Fuck, I sound sappy sayin’ that.”  
“I’m not going anywhere,” Leo said and kissed his forehead. “Not now. Not ever. Rest, Raphie. I love you.”  
“Love ya too,” Raphael said and closed his eyes.

Raphael soon fell asleep, and as Leo listened to his gentle snoring, he thought, Donnie’s right. Once Raph’s better and if I haven’t fallen in love with him, I have to be honest and tell him. He deserves someone, who loves him. I just hope he doesn’t hate me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thanks for the kudos and reviews. Always grateful.


	4. The call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo reiterates to Lotus that they're over and she doesn't take it well
> 
> Lots of fluff with Raph and Leo.

Leo's phone dinged later that night. He gently extricated himself from Raphael, picked the phone off of the dresser and read the message. Then he got up and headed to the dojo, where he knew he'd have privacy. 

XXXX 

Leo switched on the light dialed a number and said, "Lotus, I thought I was clear that we're done in the text."   
"I got that part, but why?" Lotus asked. "Is it something I've done?"  
"It's not you. It's me. My feelings have changed and I can't be with you. I wish you…"  
"Is there someone else?" Lotus asked jealously, her voice rising.  
"Yes. Look, I never meant…."  
"You cheated on me, Leonardo!" Lotus screamed. "How could you when I've always been faithful? Who did you bed? Was it April? That weird Alopex I met? Who? I deserve to know!"  
"I'm going to hang up now, Lotus. I'm sorry," Leo began, as a shriek echoed throughout the sewer, piercing Leo's heart. _Raphael._

Leo disconnected the call and ran to his bedroom. 

XXXX 

Leo found Raphael curled up in a ball on the bed, his thumb in his mouth, as he whined softly, "Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. I'll be good and do whatever ya want."  
"Raph," Leo said, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's Leo. Are you okay? Talk to me, baby."

Raphael looked up and Leo saw that his face was streaked with tears and sweat beaded his forehead. Raphael removed his thumb from his mouth and said, accusatorily, "Ya weren't here when I woke up. Ya promised ya'd never leave me."  
"I'm here now, baby," Leo said, sitting down, scooting closer to him and taking his hand "Did you have a nightmare?"  
Nodding, Raphael trembled and said, "Yeah. I was on the roof top and Chrome Dome had his cock in me and I couldn't do nothin' 'bout it. Just lie there and take it. Fuckin' every part of me hurt. It felt so real, Leo, like he was here. Then I woke up and ya were gone."  
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Leo said and kissed his knuckles. "I had to…"

"Raphael," Splinter called from outside the bedroom. "Are you all right, my son?"

"Raph?" Mikey said, standing next to Splinter. "Bro, you okay?"

"I heard crying. Did you have a nightmare?" Don asked from beside Mikey. "Raph?"

"I'm okay. Just a nightmare," Raphael said. "Leo's here. Ya guys can go back ta sleep. Sorry for wakin' ya."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Raphael," Splinter said. "Know you can always talk to me, my son."  
"I'm okay, Pops, but thanks. I got Leo and he's gonna take care of me."

"In that case, come along, Donatello and Michelangelo. Raphael will summon us if he wants us."

"Why'd ya leave me, Leo?" Raphael demanded, as he wiped away his tears with the back of his hand.  
"I had to do something that was pressing. I'm sorry."  
"Go ahead and say if it ya don't wanna be with me, okay? I wouldn't wanna be with me neither. Mr. fuck up, used piece of trash that I am. Tell me now before things go too far. And don't feel like ya gotta be with me and help me if there are babies. They ain't yer problem. They're mine and mine alone…."  
"Whoa!" Leo said and placed a finger on Raphael's lips, preventing him from speaking further. "You're not used trash. You're not trash. Period. I do want to be with you and the babies are ours to look after. I'm not with you out of pity. I love you, Raphael. Every inch of you. From your stunning green eyes, right down to your cute little butt and tail and I want to spend my life with you." Raphael blushed and Leo added, "I love your fiery nature, your sarkiness, your smile, your devotion to our family and I could go on forever how incredible you are. I'm sorry I left you, but it was necessary."  
Raphael removed Leo's finger and said, "Why'd ya leave me if ya love me so damn much? What would be so urgent in the damn middle of the night?"  
"I called Lotus and reiterated that we were done. She didn't take it well, believes I cheated and I let her think so. Who cares what she thinks anyway? All that matters is you, takara. Only you. Now and forever. I'm going to take good care of you and show you how amazing you are."  
Raphael smiled and opened his arms. Leo pulled him close and hugged him tightly and Raphael said, as he buried his nose in Leo's neck, "Never leave me again, Leo. Please. I feel stronger with ya and I couldn't do this alone."  
"I'll never leave you," Leo said and nuzzled Raphael's cheek. "Never. We're going to go somewhere wonderful when you're better. Just you and I."  
"Ya mean like a couples' vacation?" Raphael asked, when they'd pulled apart.  
"Exactly that," Leo said, while thinking, that'll be weird. Me and Raph alone together romantically in a foreign place   
"I'd like that. I'm sure we'll get alone time here, but it'd be great outta the lair with just us and more privacy. I'm not ready for sex yet, Leo. I'm sorry."  
"That's all right," Leo said, relieved. The idea of mating with his brother still repulsed him. "There's no rush. Just focus on getting better and know I'm here with you. Always."  
"But ya should know I'm a horn dog when I'm up ta it, Leo."  
"But you only had sex once."  
"Yeah, but I still got a high sex drive and masturbate, Leo."

I don't want to hear this, Leo thought. 

Leo changed the subject and said, "Think you can sleep now, Raph?"  
Raphael chuckled and Leo said, "What's so funny?"  
"Ya. Ya don't like talkin' 'bout sex, do ya? Come on, Leo. If we're gonna be together, that's gonna eventually happen, ya know, and couples talk 'bout it and what they want. What their kinks are. Ya have kinks, Leo?"  
"Kinks?"  
"Quirks. Things ya'd like ta do."  
"Oh. I don't know. Do you?"  
"Bondage might be fun …."  
"But you're not up to sex."  
"No, but I'm gonna work at myself, so I will want it, because I know ya will never hurt me. I trust ya, Leo."  
"Raph, it's okay if you never want sex. Relationships aren't just about sex."  
"I know that, but sex is a huge part of them and helps couples grow even closer. There's nothin' more intimate than a cuddle after a good round of sex, or so I've read anyway. Didn't happen ta me. Donnie ran away when he saw what I am, but I think it could be like that with us. Ya need ta loosen up, Leo. It's okay discussin' feelings and sex, especially with yer mate."  
"I'll try."  
"Hey. Did Mikey regret things with ya?"  
"Yes."  
"So I don't gotta worry 'bout no rivals. What 'bout Lotus? Will she be vengeful?"  
"I'm sure Lotus will soon meet someone else and you don't have to worry. My heart belongs to you, stud."  
Raphael grinned and leant in for a deep and sensual kiss, his hand resting on Leo's knee. "How was that?" Raphael asked, when they'd pulled apart.  
"You're an amazing kisser," Leo said and he really did mean it, but he was still unsure about his feelings for Raphael. Could I really love him for real, Leo thought? He deserves love and I'm going to try. He needs me. No going back now. I can't do that to him.  
"What ya thinkin', baby? Ya look distant."  
"Just how happy I am. In this moment and how gorgeous you look. You're like an oil painting. Mine. So magnificent. A masterpiece. Gruff exterior, but gooey like a marshmallow beneath."  
Raphael laughed and said, "Ya ain't so bad yerself, handsome. Thank ya for bein' with me, lovin' me and helpin' me, Leo. I'm grateful."   
"It's what bro….mates do," Leo said and cupped his cheek. "I have your back, Raphael. For life. Let's get some sleep, unless you need anything else?"  
"Just ya," Raphael said and stifled a yawn.

Leo gently kissed him and they lay down, snuggled close, Raphael's arms around him, his head nestled in the crook of Leo's neck. Leo kissed the top of his head and whispered, "Love you, Raphie."  
"Love ya too, Leo," Raphael yawned and closed his eyes.

Not long after, Raphael was fast asleep, and, as Leo watched him and silent tears ran down his face, he thought, Lotus, I hope one day you understand that I had no choice. Raph needed me and family always comes before everything else. Even love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thanks for the support :)
> 
> Will Lotus pitch up?


	5. Sweet nothings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of fluff between Leo and Raph, as they discuss their new relationship. Splinter is shocked to learn about it.

Raphael woke early the next morning and grinned when he saw Leo next to him, arms still around him and softly snoring. _Can’t believe Leo’s mine. Gonna show him how much I love him every day and never gonna let him go. He’s perfection. Lotus better not try anythin’. I don’t like fightin’ girls, but I’ll make an exception for her. He’s mine._ Raphael continued watching his brother, still amazed that Leo could want a “fuckup” like him. After all, Leo was basically Splinter Junior and he was the rebel, the loner, black sheep and a freak, who was intersex. Raphael had been repulsed when he found out about his condition, revolted at the thought that he, a male, could lay eggs, but now he found himself thinking that if Leo accepted him for who he was, maybe he could too. Maybe having babies wouldn’t be such a bad thing, even if it was the Shredder’s. Leo had vowed to stay with him no matter what. I could get through anythin' with Leo's strength and support, Raphael thought.

Sapphire eyes opened and Leo said, “You’re staring at me, Raphie."  
"Yeah,” Raphael said, stretching out a hand and tracing Leo’s jawline. “Yer beautiful. Inside and out. Thank ya for acceptin’ me.”  
Leo flushed and said, “That’s what…mates do. They accept one another for who they are and support one another through the good and bad times. I’ll never leave you, Raphie. How are you feeling?”  
Raphael’s eyes shone with happy tears and he whispered, “I won’t either, Leo. Yer mine. I’m a little sore, but I don’t want no meds or Don. I just want ya.”  
“You sure?”  
“Ya know I fuckin’ hate medicine.”  
“Donnie said…”  
“Fuck what Donnie said. I don’t want no meds or anyone but ya touchin’ me.”  
“Donnie has to, so that he knows you’re healing. Raphael, stop being obstinate. He’s the doctor. It’s his job and you need the meds. It won’t be for long, sweetheart. I promise. Just until you’re all better.”  
“Fine,” Raphael said reluctantly. “But I ain’t gonna stay in bed for longer than I gotta. Ain’t infirm. I hate bein’ in bed. It’s borin’.”  
“Even with me here? I can bring you video games and movies and it won’t be for long.”  
“No. Ain’t borin’ with ya. I just hate bein’ in bed when I’d rather be doin’ other things, ya know. I’m restless, Leo, but when we make love, I think it’ll be awesome lyin’ in bed all day and goin’ multiple rounds. I intend ta blow yer mind.”

Leo recoiled inwardly and thought, I still can’t wrap my head around that idea. Mating with Raph. It’s so weird picturing us in bed. Him underneath me or vice versa. He’s my brother. I…

“Leo? Ya don’t like that idea? Yer lookin’ almost sickened at the idea of us makin’ love," Raphael said.  
“No, no,” Leo said quickly. “I’m looking forward to it. Really.”  
“Ya tryin’ ta convince yerself or me?”  
“Neither. I’m serious. I can’t wait to show you how much I love you, to know that only I'm the source of your pleasure, to see your gorgeous face flushed, your head thrown back in ecstasy. To bring you bliss over and over again and to help you forget all the hell you’ve endured.”  
“Me either, but I don’t wanna be uke, okay?"  
“What’s that?”  
“Bottom. That just ain’t me, especially after what happened. Makes me feel scared and weak. I’m dominant, an alpha and not a sub.”  
"We'll do whatever you want."  
"Thanks.”  
"You're mine and I’ll never abuse you. I promise,” Leo said, grabbing Raphael’s hand. He kissed it and added, “Mine. Always and forever. Hey. Do you know what tomorrow is?”  
“Wednesday, November sixteenth.”  
“Funny. It’s a very special day. The day you hatched and blessed the world with your appearance. Have you thought about what you’d like for your present?”  
“Already got it. Ya, Yer all I want and need."  
"That’s sweet, but there must be something you’d like.”  
"Ain't thought ‘bout it. It's just a regular day ta me. Ya know I hate a fuss."  
"We’re a couple now, Raphie, and while we’ll celebrate each day together, we'll make other days, like birthdays and holidays extra special, so stop making your birthday sound like an ordinary day. It’s not. I kind of remember you hatching. Sensei let me hold you, as little as I was. You were so tiny and exquisite even then. A cherished bundle. Let me spoil you, Raphie, like you deserve. Let me celebrate you,” Leo said and kissed his beak.  
"Raphael blushed and whispered, “Okay, but don’t go too crazy.”  
"I’ll go as crazy as I like. After all your birthday's only once a year.” Leo’s eyes gleamed, as he thought about what he could do for his brother. Then he said, “I know what I’m going to do.”  
"Any hints?”  
"Nope. It’s a surprise, but you’ll love it.”  
"Tease. I hate surprises. They’re never good. Look at Mikey’s.”  
Leo chuckled and said, “I’m not Mikey and you’re going to love what I've planned.”

Leo's so sweet, Raphael thought. But I don't deserve nothin'. I ain't special at all. 

“Leo, I ain’t worth makin’ a fuss ‘bout," Raphael said. “Stop with the negativity, Raphie. You’re amazing. I'm going to keep telling you that for as long as I live, even if you hate it.”  
“I don’t hate ya tellin’ me it. I just don’t believe it.”  
"I'll keep telling you until you believe it and then I still won’t stop,” Leo said and cupped Raphael’s cheek.  
Raphael smiled and said, “How'd I get so lucky ta have ya?”  
“I’m the lucky one. I have you and we’re probably going to have babies. Little ones I never dreamed I’d have. I probably wouldn’t have had with Lotus, because we’re two different species. I’m an extremely lucky turtle.”  
“Even if I drive ya up the pole with my moods?”  
“Yes, Raphie. Couples love one another no matter what. And they work at it and communicate if shit happens. I'll never stop loving you, even when I’m decrepit.”  
“Bet ya will still be beautiful even then,” Raphael said, feeling reassured. “Do I gotta be called Mommy?”  
"That’s your call, Raph. I'll think of you the same way. My sweet, handsome prince and not a girl.”  
“Good, because I still consider myself a boy. I’m Daddy and ya can be Papa or we can both be Daddy.”  
"That’s fine.”  
“Only if you do. I’m happy living here, as long as you’re with me If you don't. My home's wherever you are, Raphie.”  
“Sap!” Raphael said and beamed. “Man, I feel so happy right now, I could burst. I think I’m gonna be okay.”  
“You’re going to be more than okay, Raphie,” Leo said and peppered his face with gentle kisses. “I promise. I’ll see to it that you are and that you have everything you need and desire.”  
Raphael blushed and said, “Yer gonna make me cry. I ain’t used ta such sweet talk.”  
“I know, but you’ll get used to it, my little marshmallow. My takara.”  
“My shell itches with all this mushy stuff,” Raphael huffed, while secretly thrilled at how much his brother adored him. He’d craved Leo’s affection for as long as he could remember and now he had it.  
“Rubbish. You’re lapping it all up, aren’t you?”  
“Ya know me too well. I am. I’ve always loved ya, Leo. I’m so grateful for ya, this new beginnin’, us, and I ain’t ever gonna do nothin’ ta fuck it up. I’ll never cheat or make ya feel ya ain’t loved.”  
“Ditto.”

A knock sounded on the door. Raphael huffed in annoyance and said, “Always interruptions. Who’s there?”  
“Just me, Raphael,” Splinter said. “Can I come in?”  
“Yeah.”

Splinter entered the room, carrying a tray on which was a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. Spying his sons in bed together, he didn't think anything of it, because Leo had often stayed in his brothers’ beds when they were ill, but he was unprepared for what came next.

“I’m afraid I only brought breakfast for Raphael, Leonardo,” Splinter said. “I thought you may have gone to your own room.”  
“No, Sensei,” Leo said, his cheeks flamed, praying Raphael said nothing about their relationship. “Raph’s not well. I figured he could use company, so I stayed. I’ll go now. I'm sure you and Raph have a lot to discuss.”

“Ya don’t gotta go, Leo,” Raphael said, grabbing Leo’s hand. “Sensei, there’s somethin’ me and Leo wanna say. We love one another.”  
“Of course you do. You’re brothers,” Splinter said, placing the tray on Raphael’s lap. “That’s normal, Raphael.”  
“No! Love one another, like I loved Donnie before. That kinda love.”  
“But Leonardo is engaged to marry Lotus. Raphael, I do not understand,” Splinter said, staring hard at Leo and making the forest green turtle wither under his gaze.

Leo felt awkward and badly wished a hole would appear and swallow him up. Trust Raph to blurt it out, he thought bitterly. Now I’m trapped even more. Can’t go back without looking like an asshole.

“He never loved her,” Raphael declared. “And always wanted me, but was scared ta admit his feelings. He realized how dumb he was bein’ last night told me he loved me. We're a couple now and he dumped Lotus. I’m so happy, Sensei. I’ve always loved Leo.”  
“I see,” Splinter said, while thinking, I know why Leonardo is suddenly with Raphael. He doesn’t love him more than a brother. He loves Lotus and always has, but feels guilty about the events on the rooftop and feels he owes it to Raphael to sacrifice his shot at love and to be with him. Guilt is not a good way of starting a relationship and I need to talk to Leonardo.  
“Yer not happy for us, Sensei?” Raphael asked disappointedly.  
"I'm surprised, my son, but I will not hold you back and I wish you much happiness if you are serious about one another. You have my blessing."  
"Thank ya, Sensei,” Raphael said and pressed a kiss to Leo’s cheek. “Ain’t that awesome, Leo?”

“Yeah,” Leo muttered.  
“You’re not happy, Leo?” Raphael asked.  
"I am. Thank you, Sensei.”

“You are welcome, my son," Splinter said. "Raphael, eat your breakfast. There’s something I privately wish to discuss with Leonardo."  
"Is it serious, Sensei?” Raphael asked in alarm. “Ya ain’t gonna send Leo away, are ya? I need him.”  
“No, no. Nothing like that. I want to discuss your birthday. That is all. Eat and then rest. We won’t be long.”

“Okay. I love ya, Leo," Raphael said.  
“Love you too, Raph,” Leo said, his heart sinking, as he followed Splinter out of the room. He knew what Splinter really wanted to discuss.

Raphael thought, as he ate his cereal, Dad said ‘there’s always a pot of gold over the rainbow, ya just gotta search for it.’ That pot of gold's my Leo and he’s one good thing that came outta yesterday. I’m so grateful for him and even more that Dad’s given us his blessin’. I’m a very, very lucky boy and I won’t ever take Leo for granted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N How will Leo's talk go? Will Lotus turn up?
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and reviews. I am slowly updating everything. Yay. It's amazing being back. Thanks for all your support, everyone. :)


	6. Leo's talk with Splinter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo talks to Splinter. Raphael reveals his softer side and Leo learns about some of his talents. Lots of fluff and mushiness between Leo and Raphael.

Splinter studied his eldest son and said, “Leonardo, while I gave my blessing to you and Raphael, I find it most peculiar that your desires have shifted towards him, a male, when you’ve always liked females and when you’re engaged to Lotus. I can only assume something tremendous has happened, like guilt, to trigger such a change.”  
Leo nodded and said, “You’re right, Sensei. I feel responsible for what happened to him and that’s why I’m with him. If I hadn’t left him…”Leo’s voice trailed off, his eyes misting over.  
Splinter gently placed a paw on his shoulder and said, “That wasn’t your fault, Leonardo. You have to stop blaming yourself and you have to be honest with Lotus and Raphael.”  
“I broke up with Lotus. I didn’t specify why. Just that it was over. She accused me of being unfaithful. I never have been. Never. I always loved and respected her.”  
“So she’s gone, but you’re lying to Raphael. Do you not think that is wrong, my son?”  
“Not if it makes Raph feel better. Look at him, Sensei. He’s smiling and is so happy. I’m the cause of it.”  
“That’s altruistic, Leonardo, yes, but you aren’t happy and do you really think Raphael won’t eventually realize that and question it? He is smart.”  
“I can learn to be happy and love him more than a brother.”  
“Learn? My son, love isn’t something you learn. You either feel it or you don’t. You should end this charade right now before Raphael’s hurt further.”  
“I can’t do that,” Leo said, dragging his hands down his face. “Raph’s excited about our future together. I’ve never seen him so animated about anything else before. And he’s already been betrayed by Donnie, who cheated on him and dumped him when he learned that Raph was intersex. I can’t do that to Raph. It’d crush him. Sensei, I just can’t. It’s such a mess, I know, but my only option's to be with Raph, to learn to love him and to be his mate. I can fake it if I have to. I’ve faked things before…”

“But it’s unfair on Raphael and yourself. You don’t have to be a martyr. Be honest with Raphael.”  
Leo stubbornly shook his head and said, “I can’t do that, Sensei. I failed him by not being there for him on the roof top and leaving him and I can’t do that now. I have to do this for Raph, as much as it pains me. The thing I’m most dreading is sex with him. I mean, I know how males have sex. I had sex with Mikey once, but this was never on the cards for me now. And I’m going to be sharing a bed with him. We did as kids, but it’s going to be different, because Raphael will expect sex and kisses and cuddles, like he deserves and….I’m not turned on by it. His hands touching me in places they shouldn’t be! But I have no choice. Do you understand?”  
“You had sex with Michelangelo?” Splinter said in surprise, his eyes wide.  
“It was a drunken mistake, Sensei,” Leo said, his cheeks red. “Both of us regretted it.”  
“I see. That’s why you should never imbibe alcohol and it’s why I forbid it. Alcohol dulls the senses and leads to actions that shouldn’t happen! Guilt is never a good basis for a relationship and lies aren’t either. I can tell Raphael and send you away to Japan, so you won’t face his wrath. It’ll sting, but he'll forgive you in time."  
“No.”

Splinter sighed and frowned, thinking what to do. It was indeed a huge, complicated mess. Leonardo was playing with fire and inevitably someone would get hurt. Probably Raphael. 

Leonardo, this is such a mess and you are playing with fire. I believe someone will get hurt. Most likely Raphael. He is extremely sensitive and I do not wish to see him hurt. This is what I think should happen. I can retract the blessing and forbid your union or I can give you a specified time limit. I'll retract the blessing and will expect you to tell Raphael the truth if you don't fall in love with him for real in six weeks. I cannot allow the farce to continue for all eternity, Leonardo. For yours and Raphael’s sakes. Do I make myself clear?”  
“Yes. To Japan and you can try and rekindle your relationship with Lotus. You are dismissed.”  
“Sensei, it’s Raph’s birthday tomorrow. I’d like to do something really special for him. Is it possible for us to have the lair to ourselves?"   
“You plan on seducing your brother?” Splinter asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"No! Of course not,” Leo said in horror. “It’s just... Fine. I want to cook for him and just have a special meal with only us present. If I have to go into this romance thing, I have to get to know him better and he’s more susceptible to opening up if we have privacy.”  
"“I don’t see why not, but Donatello has to be within earshot in the lab in case of a medical crisis. That’s my only condition. I’m sure Michelangelo and I can spend the evening at April’s place.”  
“Thank you, Sensei.”  
“Leonardo, you can’t cook.”  
“I know, but I’m going to try. “

XXX

Leonardo returned to Raphael, who was staring up at the ceiling, a bored expression on his face. “Hey, hon,” Leo said, trying not to recoil, as he leaned down and pecked Raphael’s cheek.  
“Hon?” Raphael said and smirked, his eyes lighting up when he saw Leo. “Gonna take a while adjustin' ta that."   
“Snugglebunny,” Leo teased, lacing his fingers between Raphael's and forcing himself to be cheery and sappy, when all he wanted to do was run, but he’d vowed to do this for Raphael and he would. Maybe he really would fall in love with him before six weeks was up. If not, well, he’d be in Japan with his Lotus and Raphael, feeling more confident and loved, would meet someone else and would forgive him someday.  
“I love yer eyes, Leo. They’re like shinin’ jewels that could light up the darkest room. And yer smile. It warms my heart and I feel butterflies whenever yer ‘round. I feel safe with ya and loved, like I’ve never been before. Yer my wish come true, ya know that?”  
“Been reading too much poetry, huh?” Leo said and flushed, stunned that his brother was so open with his feelings. He never was, keeping them bottled up, until he exploded.  
“Kinda. I’ve been mentally composin’ somethin’ for ya, while I lie here. I'll jot it down when I get my notebooks. I write poetry and stories, which help me relax and vent, but I ain’t been inspired in weeks, so I ain’t written much. That’s changed now I have ya. Yer my muse, Leo.”  
“Me?” Leo said in surprise.  
“Yeah. Not just yer physical attributes, but yer personality too. Everythin’ ‘bout ya screams passion, honor, valor, dedication and love. I could go on ‘bout ya forever and never tire. Did ya know when yer ‘round, my heart can’t slow down and I have ta catch my breath? I know that’s sappy, but it’s true. Yeah. I stole those lines from a song, but it sums up how I feel ‘bout ya. The lines are from a song called ‘Catch my breath’ by Westlife. They’re a bit cheesy and sappy, but I kinda love their songs. Don’t tell the others, because they’d mock me.”  
“Never, Raph. I feel the same way about you. You’re really sweet.” 

He really is a sweet guy, Leo thought. And I'm a scumbag. Poor Raph. And he writes poetry. I'd never have thought he would with his gruff and macho persona. 

“Only with ya,” Raphael said and blushed. “I feel like I can show that side of me and ya won’t laugh. I like bein’ soft with ya and lettin’ ya see that there are more layers ta me. That I ain’t just a temperamental brute, who likes ta punch things. That I'm capable of lovin’, feelin’ and of bein’ a good mate.”  
“I always knew you had a softer side, Raph, but you never showed it often.”  
“True, because I was scared of bein’ mocked, but ya don’t make me feel that way, Leo. I’m comfortable with ya and I trust ya. I know ya will never do nothin' ta hurt me. I feel that we could work out and have our own happy love story, like in the novels and movies. I’m writin’ one and it’s gonna feature characters based on us.”

Leo’s heart sank. Raphael thought he was the pinnacle of valor and integrity. He wasn’t. He was a liar and an asshole, but that could change in six weeks, right? He could love Raphael for real and be proud that he was his lover and mate. Raphael had wonderful attributes. He was intelligent, caring, loyal, brave, dedicated and passionate, but he wasn’t Lotus. He didn’t have her raven hair, her almond shaped eyes, smell like her or have her curves. He hadn’t ever bedded Lotus, but he’d seen her naked, had touched her boobs, traced his hands along the curves and admired them.

Lotus. He had to stop thinking about her. Raphael was his life now. He’d grow to love everything about him.

“Ya look distant," Raphael said, interrupting his thoughts. “Ya okay, Leo? Did I say somethin’ wrong? I know I sound like a lovesick puppy and that’s probably turnin’ ya off.”  
"No, baby,” Leo said quickly, gazing into his emerald eyes. “You did nothing wrong. Nothing. I’m touched that you think so highly of me and that you’re so open with me. I’ve never had anyone write anything to me before and I’m looking forward to seeing it.”  
“That’s what couples do. They’re open and honest and share everythin’,” Raphael said huskily, sending a shiver down Leo’s spine.

Sex? Of course, that’s what Raphael meant. It was inevitable they’d fuck when Raphael had recovered, but how was he going to pretend he liked if he didn’t? Women did and they sometimes got away with it. Could he do the same or would Raphael suspect it and call him out on it?

“What the heck are ya thinkin’ bout?” Raphael asked. “Yer far away. If I didn’t know better, I’d say ya wish ya were at least ten thousand miles from here, Leo."   
"All right. You got me. I was thinking about sex.”  
"Ya worried ‘bout it?”  
"Truthfully, yes.”  
"Why? Ya fucked Mikey. Ya know how gay sex works.”  
“I don’t remember much about it, apart from him telling me the next morning that his ass and tail hurt. We were intoxicated. I don’t remember kissing or touching or who made the first move. And I remember that my room smelled of heavy musk and sex. That’s all. I was obviously top. Mikey and I both regretted it.”  
"It won’t be like that with us, Leo. Yer gonna remember every detail, but ya don’t gotta worry. I won’t be rough. I’ll be sweet and tender, unless ya want me ta be otherwise. It’ll hurt at first. I remember when Donnie fucked me and when tincan did, but the pain passes after a while and all ya feel is bliss. The most intense pleasure and it’s sweeter when it’s with someone ya love. I love ya, Leo,” Raphael said and nuzzled his beak against Leo’s. “So it’s gonna be okay when we get ta that point, but that’s a ways off, because all I really want right now is ta know ya as my lover and ta spend more time with ya.”  
“Okay.”  
"I'll make ya feel good. Not just sexually, but emotionally too and in all the ways that matter, so ya don’t gotta worry ‘bout me hurtin’ ya or messin’ with feelings. That ain’t me. What ya see is what ya get and if I promise somethin’, I mean it and I’ll honor my vow until I die, okay? I'll never stop honorin’ and lovin’ ya, so relax and bask in our love, Leo. I am, because I completely trust ya and I always will."   
"All right,” Leo said, even as he mentally called himself a jerk. Raphael was so gentle, understanding and sweet and he didn’t deserve to be on such a high pedestal that Raphael had placed him on. He deserved to be hit and yelled at for…

Raphael lifted Leo’s face to his, nuzzled his beak against Leo’s and passionately kissed him. Leo let himself go; forcing himself to return the kiss, but his heart still ached for Lotus. Raphael really didn’t turn him on and he had a sinking feeling that he never would be able to be love Raphael, like he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thanks to all reading, reviewing and for the kudos.
> 
> Leo really is in deep now. And Raph's so adorable. How could anyone not fall in love with him?  
> Next up: Mikey causes some trouble and says something harsh to Raphael.


	7. Jealous Mikey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bitter and jealous Mikey is hostile to Raphael and tells him that Leo's only with him, because he blames himself for what happens to Raphael. This prompts Raphael to ask Leo if that's true.

Leo’s phone dinged, as he lay beside Raphael. He’d pushed two stretchers together. “Who’s that?” Raphael asked.

“No one,” Leo said, grabbing the phone off of the dresser. He read the message and placed the phone back on the dresser.  
“Hey, Leo. If we’re gonna be mates, we’ve gotta be honest with each other and keep no secrets from each other. Ya can’t have a relationship with secrets and no trust, so who the hell messaged ya?”  
“Karai,” Leo said, picking up the phone and handing it to Raphael, who read the message. “There. See. She just asked to meet me.”  
“Why? And why wouldn’t ya wanna tell me?” Raphael narrowed his eyes and said jealously, “Ya wanna fuck her, don’t ya?”  
“No. I really don’t know why she wants to meet up. “  
“But why wouldn’t ya wanna tell yer mate ‘bout it?” Raphael demanded, not letting the subject go. “What are ya hidin’?”  


Leo dragged a hand down his face. His brother was like a dog with a bone sometimes and he was being too possessive. She’d only asked to meet. They were friends. What was the big deal?

“You have nothing to be jealous about, Raph. I’m yours, like I said.”  
“Yer not goin’, ya hear me?” Raphael said firmly.  
“Excuse me. You’re not my boss, Raph. I can have friends,” Leo said coldly.  
“She ain’t no friend and is a bitch. She’s betrayed us before, Leo! She’s bad, bad news. How could ya believe her shit? Yer so gullible, Fearless. Ya know what I think? Ya were gonna go behind my back and have a quickie!”  
“I wasn’t. Damn it, Raph. I have zero interest in Karai. I’m yours. Maybe she has intel we need or something. I’ll just be gone…”

Raphael’s green eyes flashed and he threw the phone against the wall. The screen smashed and the phone broke and Raphael said nonchalantly, “Guess ya need a new phone now. Oops. My bad.”  
“How could you, Raph?” Leo said crossly. “I gave you my word. There was no reason to do that.”  
“Yer not bein’ honest with me. Did ya and Karai fuck? Why didn’t ya wanna tell me that ya were gonna meet her?”  
“No. We never did and I didn’t tell you, because you’d fly into a rage, like you’re doing now. You’re acting crazy, Raph. I’ve never wanted Karai. She holds zero appeal for me. You’re right. She did betray us, but she changed and we’re friends. And she’s interested in someone else, who happens to be a woman. A lovely girl named Shinigami. She was Karai’s best friend in Japan and they’re so happy together.”  
“Why the fuck didn’t ya tell me that when I first asked?”  
“You didn’t give me a chance and now my phone’s busted. It’ll take Donnie a long time to fix. Thanks a heap, Raph!”  
Raphael smiled sheepishly and said, “I’m sorry, Leo. Ya know me. I sometimes don’t think before I act.”  
“Yeah. Look, Raph. I’d never cheat. I promised. You’re mine and I’m yours for life, so you don’t have to worry,” Leo said, taking Raphael’s hands in his. He kissed Raphael’s knuckles and added, “I’ll always be faithful, so there’s no need to act like a possessive buffoon, my love.”  
“I’ll try not ta be, but I still don’t trust her and only want ya ta meet her with me present.”  
Leo sighed and said, “Fine. If that’s what it’ll take to make you happy.”  
“And I want no secrets between us. I’ll be just as open, Leo.”  
“Fine.”  
“Donnie was secretive and it hurt when I found out he fucked April, ya know. I guess I kinda have trust issues. I love ya, but I do. I need ta know yer always gonna be honest with me, like I will be with ya.”  
“I’m not Donnie and I will be. You can read all my mail and texts if you need to. You don’t need to be insecure, treasure. I’m yours only, okay?” Leo said and kissed Raphael on the lips.

Raphael broke the kiss and said, “What if ya tire of me?”  
“Why would I? You’re smart, affectionate, loyal, dedicated, passionate and sexy as hell. You’re a little demanding at times and impulsive and you have a vicious temper, but your good qualities outweigh the bad and I know our life will never be dull. I love you, Raph, and I’ll never ever leave you.”  
“Hotter than Lotus?”  
No, Leo thought. You’re not. She’s a goddess and you’re just my brother, whom I’m not attracted to. “Lotus was the past, Raph, but yes. You’re much hotter than she is and cuter and sweeter and you smell better and you’re everything I could want in a mate. I could never want anyone else. You tick all of the boxes, so stop stressing, my angel. There’s only you.”  
Raphael nodded and said, “I’m sorry. I’m such a spaz for feelin’ jealous when ya’ve sworn ta be faithful. I’ll work on that, Leo.”  
“No need to apologize, my love. Let’s just focus on the present and future. Our future as a bonded couple. We’ll have a traditional Japanese ceremony someday and Sensei will officiate. I’ll build extra rooms to accommodate all of our young and equip them with everything we need, okay?”  
“How many young are we talkin’?”  
“I don’t know. How about six? Three boys and three girls.”  
"That’s a fuckin’ lotta eggs for me ta lay. Donnie said it would be sore and I don’t know…”  
“We’ll see how it goes, my love, okay? It’s just hypothetical. I'll be fine with it too if you decide you don't want kids. All I want is your happiness.”  
“I want kids with ya, Leo. We’ll see how it goes. Start with one or two.”  
“Whatever you want, my love,” Leo said and kissed his hand, trying not to recoil. He was still pissed about his phone, but had swallowed down his anger. And Raphael would be watching him like a hawk, he thought furiously. He’d probably get no time alone and even if he wanted to call Lotus, he wouldn’t be able, Raphael reading all of his texts and mail. Still, it was his own fault too. He hadn’t stood up to his insanely possessive mate and it was his own fault for being in this mess. And he was mad at Donnie for treating Raphael so abysmally that he was this possessive.

Raphael sat up and said, “I’m sick of the infirmary.”  
“Donnie said…”  
“Fuck what Donnie said. I’m sick of this fuckin’ place. I wanna move in with ya now.”  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Donnie said…”  
“FUCK DONNIE! Ya think ya’d be happy yer mate would be with ya…”  
“You are with me.”  
“No! In our room. Not the infirmary. I wanna move there now. Ya can carry me if yer worried 'bout me walkin'. I ain’t gonna spend another night here.”

Leo groaned inwardly. His room was his private haven and now he’d be sharing it with his temperamental brother for the rest of his life. Not what he’d envisaged. He’d hoped to be able to sneak back to his room when Raphael had fallen asleep and to masturbate to a photo of Lotus on his phone, which was now fucking broken. But no. Now he’d have his demanding brother next to him and he’d get no peace. And Raphael would probably go through his things too and discard what he thought Leo didn’t need, including photos of Lotus. No. He’d go there first and ensure he saved them and he’d hide them somewhere Raphael would never find them. He might be with Raphael, but his heart still belonged to Lotus and he still wanted to beat off to her. Why couldn’t he?

“Ya ain’t said anythin’. Ya don’t want me ta?” Raphael asked.   
No shit, Sherlock, Leo wanted to say. Instead he smiled and said, “Course. You don’t think it’s too soon?”  
“We ain’t gonna shag, Leo. I just need ta feel ya next ta me in a proper bed.”  
Trust my brother to be so crass, Leo thought sarcastically. “I’m just going to sweep it and check it’s ready for you, babe,” Leo said and kissed Raphael’s cheek.  
“I want it gone if ya got anythin' of Lotus."   
“Naturally. I’ve done that already, my love. I’ll be back shortly, okay?”  
“Don’t be long. I miss ya when yer not here,” Raphael said and stared at Leo adoringly.  
>Feeling sick to his stomach, Leo managed a fake small smile and said, “Not as much as I miss you.” Then he headed to his bedroom.

XXX

Rummaging through his dresser, Leo found photos of Lotus, including sexually explicit ones she’d sent. He placed them into a box he hid in a secret panel behind the painting of a Japanese warrior he admired that was above his bed. When Raphael was busy, he’d take one out, wank to it and would then return them to the secret compartment. Raphael would never know.

XXX

A knock sounded on the infirmary door and Raphael said, “Come in.”  
“Hey, dude,” Mikey said. “How are you feeling, Raph?”  
“Better, bro, thanks. How are ya?”  
“Good. Donnie said that you and Leo are a thing now. Is it serious?”  
“Yeah. We got Sensei’s blessin’,” Raphael said happily, his green eyes shining.  
“So it’s not casual and meaningless?” Mikey said disappointedly.  
“Why are ya upset ‘bout it, Mikey? I’d have thought ya’d be happy for yer bros that they found love. It’s not like ya loved Leo.”  
“Leo doesn’t love you, Raph. He loves Lotus and his heart will always belong to her and hers to him.“  
“Yer wrong. Leo loves me. He said so and he wouldn’t lie.”  
“Leo’s noble and would do anything to make his brothers happy, even lying. I bet he blames himself for what happened to you and that’s the only reason he’s with you. He doesn’t love you more than a brother and he never will! He feels sorry for you. Why else would he suddenly be with you when he’s been with Lotus for over a year? Hidden feelings for you? No way. He couldn’t love someone like you, a male. You’re delusional if he does and even if he did love you, you’re not his type. You have zero in common with him. He deserves someone like me. I love him and I always have. I’d make him happy. You couldn’t. You’re a temperamental, vicious beast.”  
Raphael’s face paled and he said, “Leo would never do that ta me. Yer sayin’ that, because yer jealous and just wanna hurt me.”  
“I’m jealous all right, but the fact still remains. Leo’s not gay and he doesn’t want you. He pities you. Everything he says is a lie and it’s designed to make you feel better. That’s all. Not the love you desire and want. You ask him. He’ll deny it, but ask yourself why he’s suddenly so interested in you romantically. Leo’s probably dying inside every time he has to kiss and touch you. You repulse him. He’s probably thinking about Lotus. He’ll never really love you, Raphael, and it won't be your face he imagines when he wanks." 

Raphael ducked his head, as tears filled his eyes. Is Mikey right, he wondered? Has Leo been lyin’ ta me all along? Or is Mikey just bitter?

“You disgust him, Raphael,” Mikey continued. “Look at his eyes. Leo’s face is impassive, but his eyes sometimes reveal his emotions. I might never have him, but you most definitely won’t either. Think about what I said."

Mikey left and Raphael lay back against his pillow and sobbed bitterly. Is it a lie, he thought? Is Mikey tellin’ the truth?

Leo entered the infirmary and said, “What’s wrong, Raph?”  
Raphael sat up, rubbed his tears away with the back of his hand and said, “is it true?”  
“Is what true?”  
“That ya’ve always loved and wanted me. Mikey said ya don’t and were only sayin’ that, because ya blame yerself for what happened on the roof and wanna make me feel better. I want the truth, Leo, even if hurts me. I want the truth now, so don’t BS me or spare my feelings. Just the truth, ya hear?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thanks to all reading and following and for the kudos. :)
> 
> Will Leo tell the truth?
> 
> I'm so excited. I asked someone to get me Rob Paulsen's autograph last year and she did. Autographed photo of 87 Raph, who I've always adored and who's always been my favorite. I wrote to Rob sending two photos of 87 Raph to autograph, never thinking he'd reply. That was last March. I received the letter on Tuesday and he sent me three autographed photos. My two and one another. Now I have four autographed ones and I'm still blown away. I'm going to frame them. :)


	8. The emerald Claddagh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael receives an emerald Claddagh necklace as a promise necklace. Lots of fluff between him and Leo.

Leo sucked in a deep breath, took Raphael’s hands and said, as he gazed into his emerald eyes, “Raph, I do feel guilty about the events on the rooftop, but that’s not why I’m with you. I'd never be with someone just to make them feel better. That’s not my style. I’m with someone, because I cherish, respect and adore them. And that’s how I feel about you. I always have. It just took that kiss on the rooftop to make me accept my feelings. I’ve denied them for years. I’ve been in love with you, since I was thirteen, but I was afraid to say anything. Partly, because I feared Dad’s wrath and also because I thought you didn’t feel the same way.”  
“So….”  
“Let me finish. Our kiss was electric and sent tingles down my spine and it made me realize I’d never really loved Lotus, because our kisses weren’t that hot and hers were more sisterly. I got scared and ran off, but when I arrived home, I realized I was being an idiot and I had to come to terms with my feelings for you and had to be honest. I vowed to tell you and I’m so glad I did, because I’ve wasted so much time with someone I didn’t really love, when you were always there. You’re the most magnificent person I’ve ever known, Raph. You’re courageous, brave, loving, adorable, passionate and feisty. You’re the complete package and you complete me. I’ve grown up repressing my feelings, but you give me the confidence to express them. You make me a better man. You always have. I was a fool not seeing that earlier. You turn me on. My shell’s always tight when I’m around you and…”Leo blushed and added, “I can’t wait until we’re physically bonded as well and I can shower you with all the adoration you deserve. I want to make love to you and make you feel good and for you to forget what that bastard did to you on the roof top. I want your babies and I want to spend my life by your side, because I’m nothing without you. Raphael, you’re my heart. Why would I lie about any of this? You know I never do anything lightly and you know I adhere by the Correct Heart. I would never deceive you, especially not about loving you, my takara.”  
“So Mikey was lyin’?” Raphael asked, his face softening.  
“Yes. He clearly has jealousy issues and is causing trouble. I’ll talk to him. I’m yours and it’s not out of pity and guilt. I adore you. I always will,” Leo said, mentally vowing to throttle Mikey for stirring up shit.

Raphael smiled, visibly reassured, touched his temple to Leo’s and said, “I adore ya too. I believe ya, Leo. Ya do got a strict honor code and ya’d never lie ta me. Yer conscience wouldn’t allow ya ta. Is Mikey gonna cause more shit?”  
“Nope. I said I’ll talk to him and I’ll get him to apologize to you too. Mikey’s bitter, but he’ll have to get used to us being mates, because I’m not giving you up. Not ever.”  
“Ditto,” Raphael said and raised his head. “Does that mean I can move into yer room today?”  
“Of course you can,” Leo said and lifted his head. “Our room. I’ll move you now if you want.”  
“Yeah. I want. Hey, Leo?”  
“Yes, my darling?”  
“It ain’t yer fault. Never blame yerself. I shouldn’t have gone out that night and I shoulda gone home with ya, but I was an obstinate shit. Ya were only bein’ my big brother and I was bein’ an asshole. It’s my fault. I deserved it.”  
“No, Raph. You didn’t deserve it. No one deserves to be violated in that way. Those bastards are to blame and we’ll get our revenge. I promise you. Shredder will feel the full weight of our wrath. Stop blaming yourself. You did nothing to warrant such abuse.”  
“I look forward ta that day. Knowin’ he’s offa the streets and can’t hurt no one else will give me some peace of mind. I wanna ram my sai up his fuckin’ ass and him ta feel what he did ta me! I want him ta fuckin’ feel powerless and weak and know ain’t no one gonna come ta his defence. I fuckin’ hate him.” Raphael balled his hands in to fists and said furiously, his green eyes flashing, “I want him so fucked up, he’ll beg for death. I want him ta hurt in every office and my face ta be the last one he sees before he expires. I’m gonna fuck him up so badly, Leo.”  
“I’ll help you, angel. You know that. Sh. Let’s go to my room. Do you think you can walk?”  
“Leo, I know ya don’t agree with murder. I can do it on my own or with Casey and…”  
“Raph, you’re not alone. I’ll help you. You’re my mate and I want him to pay for all he did to you. I want him to suffer and to pay the ultimate price. He deserves no mercy and he’ll get none.”  
“Thank ya, Leo. I appreciate it. Is it normal ta feel a mixture of emotions? I alternate between depression, sadness and rage.”  
“Yes, Raph. It’s part of the healing process. It was extremely traumatic and you’re doing fine, my love. It’s early days, but I believe you’ll make a full recovery. Mentally, physically and emotionally. And I’ll be here every step of the way. I’ll be your strength when you feel weak. I’ll be your crutch. Just like you’ve always been mine.”

Raphael’s eyes misted over and he said, “How'd I get so blessed ta have ya?”  
“Au contraire. I’m the lucky one,” Leo said and kissed his knuckles.  
Raphael blushed and said, “Leo, what if I freeze up?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“When ya touch me and try ta make love ta me.”  
“Oh. Then we’ll wait until you’re ready. Relax, Raph. We have the rest of our lives and besides, our love isn’t purely about sex. You don’t need sex to be happy, do you?”  
“But it’s part of a lovin’ relationship.”  
“Yes. But I’m not going to leave you if we don’t have sex, my love. I’ll wait until you’re ready and I still won’t leave you if that doesn’t happen. I promise. So stop fretting.”  
“Thank ya. I appreciate yer patience. I’m ready ta go ta yer room. I think I can walk. Don’t pick me up. I ain’t no baby.”  
“As stubborn as ever.”  
“It ain’t ‘bout that,” Raphael said, removing the covers and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “I’ve been through hell and back, Leo, and I wanna assert myself. I wanna prove ta myself I can still do things on my own. Walkin’ on my own is the first step. I’m so grateful ya love me and wanna help, but ya don’t gotta do everythin’. There are some things I need ta do on my own.”  
“I understand, little….”  
“Leo, we’re mates now. Little brother isn’t appropriate. It’s Raph, Raphael or whatever endearment ya wanna call me, okay? Can ya imagine if we make love and ya say ‘little bro, I’m gonna cum’? That’ll kill my erection fast!”  
Leo chuckled and said, “I understand, Raphie. Sorry. Habit.”

Raphael gingerly stood up and quickly sat down, still feeling weak. “Shit!” he said in dismay.  
“What, baby?”  
“Nothin’,” Raphael said, determined to walk. “I’m just takin’ a breather.” He rose again and took a tentative step, testing his legs. Seeing he wasn’t going to keel over, he said, “What are ya waitin’ for, Fearless? Let’s go.”  
“Do you want to hold my hand?”  
“Nope. I got this. Just walk beside me. It ain’t far ta yer room.”  
“You’re so brave, Raph.”  
“I gotta be, Leo. Shredder will win if I crumble and I ain’t gonna let that happen.”

Raphael slowly walked towards Leo’s room, the leader close behind him.

XXXX

They arrived in Leo’s room and Raphael climbed into bed and pulled the covers over himself. “Better,” Raphael said, looking around. “I love this. Can we paint the walls? They look so plain. Can I bring my stuff in here, Leo?”  
“Of course. This is your room too. I want you to feel happy and comfortable, so make any changes you like.”  
“Cool. Are ya gonna snuggle with me? I hate when I’m alone.”

Leo sighed internally. He was emotionally drained and wanted time to himself. Well, after he’d clobbered Mikey. And now Raphael wanted to cuddle. Am I ever going to get me time, Leo wondered?

“I was going to meditate and I have things to plan for your birthday, Raphie.”  
“Ya don’t gotta get me nothin’. I already said yer more than enough.”  
“Don’t be absurd. You’re my precious lover and I want to spoil you.” Impulsively, Leo went to his dresser and pulled out a small box. He handed it to Raphael and said, “Open it.”  
Raphael did and his jaw dropped. The most exquisite emerald necklace he’d ever seen was inside. “It’s beautiful, Leo. Thank ya. I love it,” Raphael said, his eyes shining in happiness.  
Leo placed it around his neck and said, “Perfect fit. It’s a promise necklace, Raphie. A promise that I’ll always love and honor you. And I’ll be faithful. This is a Claddagh necklace and is pure gold. It caught my eye and I had to have it. I had some money and it looks stunning on you.”  
“It’s gorgeous,” Raphael enthused and kissed him on the lips. “Thank ya. I’m never gonna take it off! Thank ya, baby. What’s the origin of the Claddagh?”  
“You’re welcome, my sweetheart. The Claddagh’s the most popular piece of traditional Irish jewelry and its origins lie in the Galway fishing village in seventh century Ireland. It became popular for the beauty and meaning of the design. The hands represent friendship, the heart love and the crown loyalty.”  
“So romantic,” Raphael said and beamed. “I’m blown away. Thank ya. I’m gonna treasure it always.”  
“My pleasure. We can use Claddagh rings when we have our ceremony if you like. It’ll be different. They have the most incredible designs. We can have April’s help to have them custom made for our large fingers.”  
“Cool. I love that idea. I’m so happy I could burst. Thank ya. How'd ya get the money? I don’t wanna be nosy, but this musta cost a tidy sum.”  
“I helped April with her college work. I typed up her projects and did some of them, giving her more free time.”  
“Baloney. There ain't no way ya could afford this expensive piece with money for writin' papers. What did ya do, Leo?”  
“It’s the truth, Raph. I swear. She paid me and she inherited a large amount from an aunt of hers. She gave me a hundred grand. She has cash for you, Don and Mikey too, but it’s going to be handed out at Christmas. I wasn’t supposed to say, so act like you don’t know. I saw this necklace and she saw how much I admired it and gave me my money now. I don’t regret splurging. It looks fantastic on you and brings out your gorgeous eyes.”  
“I hope ya ain’t lyin’ ta me, Leo, because I couldn’t keep this if ya attained it dishonorably.”  
“I know, but I’m not lying. You can ask April if you don’t believe me. I have to go. Things to plan. Get some rest, my treasure. I’ll see you soon. I’m so happy you like your first present.”  
“First?”  
“Yes. I told you that I’m going to spoil you,” Leo said and winked. He bent down, kissed Raphael on the lips and added, “Keep the bed warm, my handsome angel. I love you.”  


“Love ya too, baby. Thank ya for everythin’.”

Leo left, closing the door behind him and thought, that necklace was meant for Lotus, but he doesn’t have to know that. Anyway, she’s gone, so he may as well have it. It does suit him. Now to plan Raph’s dinner and beat the crap out of Mikey.

Leo headed to Mikey’s room and said in his most authoritative tone, “Michelangelo, open the damn door. I want to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Mikey's in for it now. What will Leo do? Has Lotus given up on Leo?
> 
> Thank you for all of your support, everyone. :)
> 
> The Claddagh's stunning. I have an emerald gold plated one I bought in Limerick, Ireland.


	9. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo organizes a Valentine's Day themed dinner for Raph. Lots of fluff and smut!

Not getting a response, Leo went into Mikey’s bedroom, but there was no sign of him. Damn, he thought. I’ll have to deal with him later. I need to start preparing Raph’s meal, but how can I make the evening special? An idea hit him and his eyes gleamed. Raphael wasn’t the sappy type, but Leo had a feeling he’d love it.

XXXX 

Leo went into his bedroom and took out two ceramic mugs he’d recently bought. He loved painting mugs and creating his own designs and he had a feeling Raphael would love his personalized ones. He got out his pencil and first sketched a design of a large red heart with his and Raphael’s names in the centre, the word forever below it and ashisteru above the heart. Then he wrote the words ‘You’re my favorite pain in the shell’ on the other side and went over both designs with his sharpie paints and added accent colors. Leo smiled at his handiwork. Raphael would be blown away. Then he did the same thing on the other mug, painting Raphael and himself on the front holding hands and wrote the words ‘Raphael, takara, I adore you, Leo.’ on the back. Done, Leo picked up the mugs and headed into the kitchen.

XXXX 

Leo turned on the oven and placed the mugs inside it when it was 350 degrees, knowing it would be ready in twenty minutes, which gave him time to prep the meal. Leo was a bad cook and that was an understatement, because he’d almost burned the kitchen down on several occasions and had destroyed a few toasters. He knew he was playing with fire again, but he had to risk it. Raphael deserved a special meal. He’d try his best and they could always order pizza if it didn’t work out. He flipped open one of Mikey’s recipe books and decided he’d make crab cakes with a side salad, followed by garlic shrimp pasta and a chocolate molten lava cake. It looked easy enough. Surely even a lousy cook like him could pull it off?

Leo got to work making the crab cakes and set them aside when he was finished. Then he mixed the batter for the cake, which he’d bake when they were seated at the table. Finished, he marinated the shrimp with a mixture of garlic, ginger, paprika, and basil and set it aside. Then he made a simple salad of tomato, cucumber, lettuce and olives. That done, he opened the oven, took out the mugs and placed them on a baking sheet to cool down.

Now it was time for the décor. Leo got out a red table cloth from the linen closet, spread it out onto the kitchen table and set out the cutlery and crockery. He didn’t have flowers, so two red candles from the kitchen would have to do. He placed those onto the table, lit them and looked in the fridge for something to drink. Alcohol was forbidden, so he’d make do with grape juice. He put it in an ice bucket by the table and turned his attention to the lighting.

He fetched his scented candles, lighting them and placing them around the room. It was simple, but romantic and elegant. All that was needed was music. He set up his portable CD player, pressed play and romantic Japanese instrumental music softly played. It was melodious and beautiful and the perfect accompaniment to their meal. He had something extra planned for his brother. The idea of it sickened him to the core, but he’d do it, knowing it’d prove his devotion to Raphael and would make him feel even more loved.

 

XXX

Leo donned a blue towel, headed to his bedroom after his shower and smiled at his brother, who was sitting up and idly paging through one of Leo’s war books, a bored expression on his face. “Hey, handsome,” Leo said and bent down and kissed Raphael’s cheek. “How’s my sexy warrior doing?”  
“Bored shitless. Where’ve ya been? Ya’ve been gone ages!”  
“I missed you too,” Leo said and chuckled. “Hey,” Leo added huskily, trailing a hand down Raphael’s plastron and making him shiver. “Think you could handle some loving? I’m in the mood and I want to make you feel good.”

Not waiting for a reply, Leo pushed his brother down onto the bed, pulled the covers back, got between his legs and lapped at a stunned Raphael’s slit until he dropped down with a loud churr, his purple cock semi erect and oozing precum. “Gorgeous,” Leo said, raising his head, locking eyes with Raphael and trying not to throw up. “I bet you’re a huge boy when erect, huh, Raphie?”  
Raphael blushed and said, “Ten inches. I measured. Leo, ya don’t gotta do this…”  
“I want to, my angel,” Leo said and focussed his attention again on Raphael’s cock, alternately sucking and licking it. He watched Raphael, whose eyes were closed and whose hands were fisting the bedsheets, euphoria on his handsome face.

This is disgusting, Leo thought, inwardly recoiling at his brother’s intense and salty taste. I fucking hate this. I miss Lotus. I doubt I’ll ever enjoy blowing him. How could I when I had someone as beautiful as Lotus, who was my soul mate? Raphael’s sexy for a male, but he doesn’t have the right parts and I…I want to barf so badly. Even his skin’s rougher than Lotus’s. She was soft in all the right places and his is leathery. Not to mention his numerous scars. They certainly aren’t sexy. Then there’s his masculine musk that’s tinged with sweat and gasoline. Yuck. Lotus smelled like peaches and fresh flowers and she bathed more often than Raph does. Phew. He pongs something fierce.

Leo shoved his thoughts aside, gradually took Raphael in and greedily sucked his cock, while listening to the deep rumbles and churrs of pleasure his brother made and feeling revolted with himself that he’d pulled those noises out of Raphael. Damn it. They were brothers. Not biological, but they’d been raised as brothers and it was wrong and immoral to be doing this with him!

 “I’m gonna cum, Leo. Fuck!” Raphael yelled and he came a few minutes later with a loud growl, shooting hot jets of his seed down a nauseated Leo’s throat. 

 A flushed Raphael pulled out and said breathlessly, “Thank ya. That was fantastic and kind of ya.”  
Leo cleaned his brother, taking care not to miss a drop, and planted a kiss on his beak when he was done. Then he said, “I wasn’t trying to be kind, Raphie. I did it, because I love you. I want you to feel loved every second of every day in all the ways that matter.”  
Raphael’s green eyes misted over, he nuzzled Leo’s beak with his own and said, “Ya do. I’m so thankful for ya. Thank ya, baby.”  
“You don’t have to keep thanking me. It’s what mates do. They love one another. Are…..”  
“What ‘bout ya? Don’t ya want me ta suck ya off?” "Raphie, I didn’t do it, because I wanted something in return. I did it, because I wanted to make you feel good and this is your night and all about you. You can spoil me another time if you want.”  
“Ya know I will, Leo. Ya deserve the moon. I just hope I’m good enough for ya. What if I suck in bed?”  
“Hush, baby,” Leo said, tracing his jawline with his hand. “You’re perfect for me. We complement one another and like I said before, sex isn’t all we have. We have a strong bond based on love and respect that transcends everything else, so stop stressing. How do you feel now?”  
“Contented, warm and loved, but…I’m afraid I’m gonna disappoint ya.”  
“Nothing you could say or could do would disappoint me, sweet Raphie. Please stop worrying, okay?”  
“I’ll try,” Raphael said and wrapped his arms around Leo. “Think I could sleep now.”  
“After.”  
“After what?”  
“Your next surprise.”  
"Another one? Come on, Leo. Ya’ve done so much already. Bein’ my mate, the Claddagh and a blowjob. That’s enough.”  
“It’s not.”  
“What the shell have ya done now, Leo?”  
“Get up and come to the kitchen. Dinner awaits.”  
“Shit! Ya cooked!” Raphael said in horror, his green eyes wide. “I hope ya didn’t set the kitchen on fire!”  
“Come and see,” Leo said, while playfully stroking Raphael’s tail, sending a shiver down his spine and making him rumble in appreciation. He’d always been the most sensitive with his tail and it was heaven having all of the attention.  "Your tail’s so cute, just like you, baby.”

 Raphael couldn’t remember ever feeling so loved and satiated before. Leo was a dream come true and he made him feel relaxed to show his soft side.

"That’s heaven,” Raphael purred. “Bein’ adored like this. I could get used ta it. I love bein’ here with ya.”  
“So do I, but dinner’s waiting,” Leo said and sat up. “I hope you’ll like it.”  
“I’d like anythin’ ya made, because it’s for me,” Raphael said and sat up. “It’s the thought that counts. But I don’t get what the occasion is. My birthday’s only tomorrow.”  
“I don’t need a reason to spoil my mate,” Leo said, standing up and helping Raphael to his feet.  
“Are the others ‘round?”  
"Just Don. Sensei and Mikey went to April’s place."  
“Good, because then we can dine au natural. Ya know I feel vulnerable when I’m naked, but I wanna do it with ya and be my authentic, natural self. No gear and no clothes, the way we were born. I wanna feast my eyes on yer gorgeous toned body, the body only I can make love ta. Yer mine.”  
Leo groaned inwardly, as he removed his towel and threw it onto the bed. “How’s that?”  
“Perfection,” Raphael said, his eyes hooding over with lust and love, as they roved over Leo’s body. “Yer like a greek God and yer mine. Nobody else’s.”  
Feeling awkward under the scrutiny, Leo cleared his throat and said, “Let’s go, my handsome prince.”  
“Yer mine, right?” Raphael demanded.  
“Of course I am,” Leo said and grabbed Raphael’s hand. “Now and always. Why would I want anyone else when I have the most perfect and sweetest guy ever?”  
Raphael grinned and said, “I’m all that?”  
“Of course you are,” Leo said and kissed his cheek. “You’re incredible and I’m so proud to have you as my mate. Let’s go to dinner.”

 Raphael and Leo slowly walked to the kitchen and Leo thought, I still feel sick. Blowing him was the most repellent experience ever. I’d rather fight Shredder than that!

 XXXX 

They entered the kitchen and Raphael’s eyes filled with tears, as he took in the scene before him. “Wow,” he said. “Ya did all of this for me, Leo. The table, the music, the cookin’. Wow. Nobody’s ever done somethin’ like that for me and the décor’s red. My favorite color. Ya really know how ta make me feel special, baby. Thank ya. It’s stunnin’. I can’t believe it.” Raphael sniffed and said, “I’m speechless.”

Leo smiled, led him to the table, pulled a chair out for him and said, as Raphael sat down, “It’s no problem. I wanted to make things extra special and I thought since we didn’t have Valentine’s Day together this year…..”  
“We’ve only been together for a couple of days.”  
“Right. We could have a Valentine’s Day themed dinner. I’m happy you like it.”  
“More than like it. I’m blown away.”

“I hope you like the food,” Leo said and poured him a glass of grape juice.  
“I’m sure I will. Hope it ain’t broccoli though.”  
“Of course not. Before I forget, here are your gifts,” Leo said and handed him his mugs.  
“Wow!” Raphael enthused. “These are awesome. Thank ya. Did ya make them?"  
“Sure did. And I mean every word. Ashisteru, my sweetheart.”  
“And I’m a pain in the shell? I like the pun.”  
“Sometimes, but I love you anyway,” Leo said. He grabbed the bowl of crab cakes, headed to the stove and turned it on.  
“Love ya too. This is so romantic. Just us, music and peace. I love it. I really think we should move someday and get our own place. “  
“Hmm,” Leo said, placing the crab cakes in the pan. “Whatever you want, Raphie.”  
“Is that so?” Raphael asked, a twinkle in his eyes.  
“Yes.”  
“Gonna take ya up on that offer when I’m better. I got many ideas we can try.”  
“I can’t wait,” Leo said, faking excitement. “These will be ready soon.”

They chatted about casual things and the crab cakes were ready a few minutes later. “Here you go,” Leo said and heaped some onto Raphael’s plate, along with the salad. “Hope you like them.”  
“Thank ya,” Raphael said and took a large bite. Then closing his eyes, he smiled and said, “These are the best crab cakes I’ve ever had. Thanks, Leo. I take back every nasty thing ‘bout yer cookin’! These are sensational. I’m floored. Can I have the recipe?”  
Leo chuckled and said, “You’re welcome. It’s in one of Mikey’s books. I’ll show you.”

Raphael took another bite and touched Leo’s calf with his leg under the table, making Leo flush. “Heh. Yer so cute when yer embarrassed,” Raphael said with a grin.  
“You’re so bad.”  
“Ya got no idea,” Raphael husked, placing his hand under the table and reaching between Leo’s legs. He settled it on his tail and began stroking it, watching as Leo’s cheeks flamed and listening to Leo’s churrs.

The leader suddenly pushed his chair back, stood up and said, “Are you done, Raph?”  
“Yeah. Why are ya so shy, Leo? It’s just me or maybe ya don’t like me touchin’ ya. Maybe ya want Lotus back,” Raphael said jealously.  
“No, no, baby. It’s just I organized a special meal for you and I want to make it. We can fool around later, okay? I do like you touching me, but dinner can’t wait. I’ll be right back. Just have to cook the pasta and shrimp.”  
“Look, Leo. I’m gonna be touchin’ ya. We’re mates, so ya gotta trust me, okay?”  
“I do trust you!” Leo said, looking up from the pasta pot in which he was boiling the pasta.  
“I don’t think ya do. I let ya touch me and I’ve been through hell, so I don’t understand why ya can’t if ya love me so much.”  
“Fine. You can touch me all you like later. I promise.”  
"I look forward ta that."

The main course was a disaster. Leo had undercooked the pasta and overcooked the shrimp, but Raphael had sweetly informed him that didn’t matter. He appreciated the effort Leo had gone to for him. Leo was nervous, as he placed the chocolate molten lava cake into a mold and into the oven, praying it was a success and he could soon go to bed. He was exhausted.

He and Raphael chatted, as the dessert cooked and when it was ready, Leo took it out of the mold and placed it onto Raphael’s plate. “Dig in, Raphie,” Leo said, dishing up for himself.  
Raphael did and a look of sheer ecstasy appeared on his face. "This is mindblowin’. Holy moly. This the best thing ever, Leo! Wow. And ta think ya made it. Ya gotta make it again,” Raphael said and licked his spoon.  
Leo smiled and said, “Glad you approve.”  
"I more than approve. Hey. Ya got any leftover batter?” Raphael asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.  
“Yes. I thought I could make more pudding tomorrow.”  
“Nah. I want it tonight. Ya said it’s my night and ya will do what I want, right?”  
Fuck, Leo thought in dread. He wants sex. I have to stall. “Uh, Raph. You’re still healing and aren’t ready….”  
Raphael ate more pudding, sighed contentedly and said with a wink, as he pushed his plate away, “But ya are. I’m done. That was scrumptious. Thank ya and thank ya and for the most amazin’ dinner. I wanna play and make ya feel good. Ya will let me if ya trust me. Get the bowl and we’ll continue our celebrations in bed.”  
“Raph….”  
“Now! Don’t baby me, okay? I wanna do this,” Raphael said and stood up. “Get the bowl and come with me,” Raphael added, wagging his tail to turn his brother on.  
Leo groaned inwardly, plastered a smile onto his face and said, “I'm game in that case."

Leo picked up the left over chocolate batter and followed his brother to his bedroom.

XXX

Raphael ordered his brother to lie down on the bed. Then he smeared the chocolate batter onto Leo’s plastron and his tail and eagerly began to lick it up, listening to Leo’s loud cries of pleasure, as he did so. Raphael’s tongue was rough, but to Leo’s immense disgust, he loved the feeling of it against his skin and the sensations it caused. Bliss, euphoria and an urge to drop down. Raphael’s hands stroked and caressed his body and he was surprisingly gentle with his calloused hands. Leo would never have expected that from his temperamental brother. There were clearly more layers to Raphael than he’d thought.

Leo’s shell felt tight and he dropped down, his forest green cock semi erect and leaking precum. Raphael noticed and said, “It’s gorgeous and thick. I’m gonna have so much fun with it. Lie still, Leo. I’m gonna make ya feel incredible.

Raphael slowly took Leo in and watched, as Leo’s eyes closed and his hands fisted the bedsheets, his lips slightly parted. He thought Leo looked exquisite splayed before him and was a work of art. His art to love and caress for all eternity and he would. He’d never let his mate go. They belonged together and were soulmates. He was so glad that Leo had realized that. 

Raphael sucked him harder and took Leo in further, until he was halfway down his throat. And it wasn’t long before Leo climaxed with a loud growl, sending his seed down Raphael’s throat. The emerald skinned turtle greedily drank it down, loving his mate’s salty and intense taste and pleased that he’d been the one to cause Leo such pleasure. 

Leo pulled out with a plop and lay back, his hands clasped behind his head and panted. The empty bowl lay on the end of the bed.

Raphael cleaned him, savoring each drop, kissed him on the lips and said, “How was that?”  
“That was wonderful, Raphie. Thank you,” Leo said truthfully to his horror. He’d liked it and that curdled his blood. He wasn’t supposed to. Come on. It was Raphael. Not Lotus. How could he have liked that rough tongue sucking him off?  
“Yer welcome, baby,” Raphael said and propped himself up on an elbow. “Just a fraction of the love I feel for ya.”  
“What about you? Is there more batter?”  
“All gone, but it don’t matter. There’s always tomorrow. Well, forever,” Raphael said and nuzzled his beak against Leo’s. “We got all the time in the world. Thank ya for such a fantastic day,” Raphael added and yawned.  
“It’s a pleasure and there’s still your birthday. I have something wonderful planned.”  
“I can’t wait,” Raphael said excitedly, his green eyes shining. He kissed Leo again, lay down and wrapped his arms around Leo. “Good night, Leo. I love ya.”  
“Love you too, Raphie.”

Raphael soon fell asleep, gently snoring, and Leo thought, fuck. That licking was the most erotic, sensual experience I’ve ever had before. I loved it and the blowjob. What the hell’s wrong with me? I don’t love Raphael or being around him or him touching me. I love Lotus, don’t I? So why did I love it so much? Do I really love Raph and am in denial?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N A belated nod to Valentine's Day. :) Hope you guys all had a fabulous day.
> 
> Leo's definitely digging a deeper hole for himself and is clearly in denial. Will he ever realize it?

**Author's Note:**

> Will Raph wake up?


End file.
